Colorado
by Leahrs
Summary: Lou gets sent on a run and can't get home. Buck goes looking for her and realizes that to bring her home he might have to do things he doesn't want to. Up to T...Chap 9...and then there was Chap 10 (Now rated: M)
1. Chapter 1

Lou

"Rider comin!" Lou heard as she rode into the station in Jimmy's familiar voice. She tossed the mochila to Buck and yelled, "Ride safe" as she watched him jump gracefully onto Starlights saddle. He sat a horse as though he were born on one she thought as she cantered Lightning to a trot then walk and eventually stopped at the rail by the corral.

Ike grabbed her reins as she slid off. "Thanks Ike" Lou said as she smacked at her dusty overcoat.

*good ride* Ike signed and grinned at her and then indicated all the dust rolling off of her.

"Fall in the west." Lou said "lovely time of year"

Ike's shoulders shook with silent laughter as he nodded. *I'll take care of him. You clean up and eat.*

"Thank you" Lou said with a lot more feeling this time as she grabbed her bedroll and pack.

Ike's eyebrow raised at the sight of a wrapped brown package but he didn't say anything. Lou headed toward the bunkhouse and began to put her stuff away, when the door pushed open.

"What's that?" Kid asked as he reached for the package Lou had left sitting on top of her bunk.

"None of your business." Lou said grabbing the package and putting it into her trunk.

"You get another dress Lou?" Kid asked feeling jealous

"It ain't none of your business Kid." Lou said as she shut the trunk lid.

"Let me see." Kid reached around Lou and tried to get to her trunk.

Lou pushed Kid away from her and the trunk. "I ain't your property Kid. You don't own me. I don't have to show you anything."

Noah stepped silently into the bunkhouse just in time to hear Lou yell at Kid and stepping to them said "You don't" and then stepped between them and stood next to Lou.

"Stay outta this Noah." Kid said. "You don't know the kinda trouble she can get herself into."

"She's smart. She want to get into trouble that's her choice."

"You made your choices Kid." Lou said "Leave me be." And then pushed past both men and out of the bunkhouse. Ike was still brushing down Lightning so she headed to the barn and grabbed Ivy, a young colt with too much energy that Cody had been putting through his passes between rides. Not even bothering to saddle him, Lou jumped on and holding onto the test bit and rein that they were using to train Ivy with Lou took off.

*What happened?* Ike asked coming up to the porch worried.

Noah pointed at Kid.

"I'm just trying to look out for her." He said angrily, "Someone's gotta. Tell Rachel I've gone after her."

*Don't* Ike said and placed his hands up in front of Kid and blocked him *you saw how she took out of here. Let her cool off. She needs to breathe.*

"She'll break her neck" Kid said and sat down heavily

"Yup." Said Noah and walked away

Several hours later Lou found herself at Rachel's back door. She knocked softly not sure if she wanted to talk to her friend or not.

"Lou." Rachel said as she opened the door. "Feeling better?" leading Lou into the kitchen and putting a pot on.

"Ike or Noah?" Lou asked as she sat at the table

"Both and Kid."

"Really. That must have been interesting."

"Well I got Kids side because Teaspoon nearly skinned him alive after I told him what Ike and Noah told me."

"What did the boys say?"

"Kid chased you into the bunkhouse the minute you got back from your run, yelled at you, and upset you so much you took off on Ivy bareback."

Lou gave a half-laugh and smiled slightly. "Well I guess that is sorta what happened."

"Want to tell me?" Rachel asked

Lou let out a deep breath and then said, "Before.." and waved with her hand "I ordered a shirt for Kid. It was supposed to be a present, but then…" Lou let off, looked down at the table, and absentmindedly traced a watermark. "When I was in Red River they told me my package was in. I'd forgotten all about it."

Rachel brought over two cups of tea and a plate of cookies. "What happened?"

"Kid did what Kid always does. Got in my business. Demanded to see the package. Tried to force me to give it to him. Noah stepped between us. I rode off." Lou said and looked down at her hands ashamed. "I was just so embarrassed and mad and….I don't even know what."

"I get it Lou." Rachel said and lightly touched the girls hand, when Lou looked up she added, "You're allowed to have secrets. You're allowed to move on from Kid. It's ok."


	2. Chapter 2

Buck

Buck rode into the station just after lunch and handed the pouch off to Cody. "Ride safe." He called after the blond rider.

Hoping down off of Starlight he walked her to the barn to begin cooling her off. When he heard Ike trying to get his attention by tapping his chest three times. Turning he smiled at his best friend and brother "Hey Ike."

*You missed it.*

"What?" Buck asked as they entered the barn.

Ike tied Starlight to a post and tossed Buck a curry comb, *Lou and Kid nearly came to blows.*

"Wait, what happened?" Buck asked as he pulled off the saddle and blanket

*Kid was trying to get Lou to do something. Lou started yelling and then she burst out and took off…on IVY *

"Is she ok?" Buck asked knowing how unpredictable that horse was.

*She rode for hours on that crazy horse and came back without a mark. *

"Lou's pretty good." Buck said with a grin as he brushed Starlight.

*Teaspoon sent her on a special run this morning. *

Buck nodded, "Probably figured separating those two for a few days would be a good idea."

*Yeah.*

Three days later

Buck was sitting in the bunkhouse fixing the cinch on his hat when Teaspoon walked in. "Buck." He said and then looked around. "Where is everyone?"

"Jimmy and Cody are in town, Ike and Kid are in the barn with Sampson and Katy, Noah and Lou are out on runs and Rachel's up in the house. Everything ok?"

"Good. We need to talk." Teaspoon sat down at the table and Buck got up and walked over.

"This is about Lou."

"Yes son it is." Teaspoon said not surprised that Buck had already intuited that. "She should have been back by now. "She only went to Ft. Namaqua in Colorado."

Buck closed his eyes briefly, "There's been fighting down that way."

"I've heard. Lou's smart. She knows how to stay low. But she's also overdue. I want you to head down that way pick up her trail and come back with her. You've got a week before I'll have to tell the others what's going on." Teaspoon stood and walked out the door praying he did the right thing.

The Ute's were fierce warriors. The Kiowa didn't go up against them if it could be avoided he knew that. He also knew that there were newcomers in that area and they were trying to make a name for themselves. Buck grabbed his bedroll and some extra supplies and headed out to get ready to find Lou.


	3. Chapter 3

Lou

Lou slowly woke to pain. She couldn't tell at first where it was coming from she just knew that everything hurt. She started to try and sit up and felt a pair of hands on her shoulder ease her back down.

A voice said something but she didn't know what it sounded like, 'N'hayo N'hayo' but that didn't make any sense. She tried to open her eyes but they felt so heavy. Soon a cup was pressed to her lips a warm bitter tea slid down her throat. It was soothing. It reminded her of Emma. She relaxed and was asleep again.

The next time she woke she could see sunlight through her closed lids. The pain was less and she felt less heavy. She opened her eyes and saw a woman with long dark hair sitting next to her. "Hello?" Lou said and her voice sounded like it was far away, like it belonged to someone else.

She went to lift her hand to her throat and gasped at the minor movement and laid her arm back down. The woman stood and walked to the door of the tent and called out and soon a man and another woman walked in. They spoke quietly to her but Lou couldn't understand them.

The man smiled gently at her as the woman pressed a cup to her lips. She felt the hot bitter tea again. "No." Lou said, "I don't want to sleep." The woman brushed Lou's hair gently and Lou remembered her mother doing that when she was a small child. "Where am I?"

"Yampa." The man said

"I don't know Yampa." Lou said confused as she felt the heaviness of sleep pulling her under again.

"Shhhh" said the woman as she tucked the fur blanket tight around Lou.

When she woke next there was no light in the tent and Lou took a moment to let herself wake more. She put her hand out and felt the area around her she wasn't on a mattress, she was laying on a pile of furs. That seemed to be layered on the ground. She moved her legs and realized her boots were gone and then she realized she wasn't wearing pants, but a heavy skirt. She slid her hand down and realized it felt like leather, she slid her hand up and realized that her top was connected and therefore the same material.

She closed her eyes and tried to remember where she was and how she got here but all she could remember was a stream and hobbling her horse. What happened after that was gone. Lou felt panic begin to bubble in her and fought hard to keep in down. Panic wouldn't help now.

Leather clothes, fur blankets, a tent and a language I don't know. I must be with some tribe. I just don't know which one. I was in Colorado, that covers a lot of possibilities. Lou's head began swimming and she let out a deep breath as she tried to keep herself calm. A hand rested on her arm and Lou looked over and saw a pair of eyes with brilliantly white whites and almost glowing brown orbs.

"N'hayo." The voice connected to the eyes called as she stroked Lou's arm gently almost lovingly.

A man walked in and sat down next to Lou. "Aho." He said when saw she was awake and her eyes were clear and bright.

"Where am I?" Lou asked suddenly feeling déjà vu

"Yampa."

"What is Yampa?"

"Home."

"I need to go back to my home."

"You need to heal daughter."

Lou swallowed heavily. "What happened to me?"

"They hurt you when you tried to protect a young boy. We have brought you home. We protect you. Many of our warriors have said they would take you for a second or third wife, a few even a first wife." This last piece was said with pride in Lou.

"NO!" Lou said emphatically. "NO! I can't! I won't! NO!" Lou sat up abruptly and jerked her shoulder. When she did her wound began to bleed again.

The young woman who had been sitting quietly came over to Lou and laid her hands on her and helped her to lay back down while hushing her softly.

"Be calm daughter. There will be time when you are well to talk. You do not want another infection." The man said as he took some water and slowly dripped it over her shoulder and then laid something soft onto her shoulder and pressed down.

The pain was almost unbearable and Lou was hissing through her teeth in order to breath. When the young woman came over with a cup with tea in it.

"Drink this daughter. It will help with your pain and let you sleep."

The pain was enough that Lou didn't argue and quickly sank back to sleep.

The next time she woke the sun was bright and she could hear a large commotion just outside the tent and then the flap was pulled harshly open and there was a silhouette of a man standing there, Lou gasped.


	4. Chapter 4

Buck

Buck slowed his horse as he approached the camp that Lou's trail had led him to. He saw about 20 tee-pee's so he knew there wouldn't be too many people living there but what he didn't know was why Lou was there. The signs of the fight were still clear on the ground by the stream and so was the dried blood he could only hope that the blood wasn't Lou's and hadn't been caused by her either.

Buck got down and walked his horse into the camp and came upon an old woman sitting outside her tent cleaning a hide. *"Hello"* Buck said and signed at the same time.

The woman smiled a nearly toothless smile at him and nodded her head. * Who are you? *

*I'm Running Buck. I'm Kiowa. I'm looking for a friend. *

*I did not think I had seen you before. *

Buck smiled, *No. I have lost my friend and need to find* Buck paused before adding *him *

*You are the only new man here.* The old woman said with a look over her shoulder towards the tee-pee a few feet away.

*Is there a woman here? * Buck asked hopefully

*I thought your friend was male*

Buck closed his eyes before explaining, * She dresses like a white man. It helps her stay safe. *

*Sit. I will ask. * The old woman stood and walked towards the tee – pee she had just been looking at.

She went in and a few minutes later a man came out.

"Aho" the man said as he sat down across from Buck. "Grandmother says you are here looking for a woman who is a man."

Buck smiled at the description. "That would be one way to describe Lou." He said and wondered what she'd think of it. "I followed her trail to the stream. Then another series of tracks here. I need to find her. To bring her home. Our family needs her."

"And are you the one who hurt her?"

"No. I would never hurt Lou. Not any woman." Buck said a flash of his mother running through his mind. "Please just tell me is she here. Is she ok? Let me see her." Buck fought to control his emotions

"I cannot."

"Why?"

"There would be too much upset in camp. She is much sought after and you would not be considered worthy of her."

Buck felt his anger flare. Half-breed. He felt as if he were to be always branded with this no matter where he was. "Where is she. She is my family."

"No." the old man said and shifted so his body was between Buck and a lone tee-pee at the edge of the clearing.

Buck stalked past the man and pulled open the flaps of the tent.

"Lou!" He exhaled and stepped dropped to his knees and wrapped his arms around her. He pulled her close and then whispered, "Please go with me on this. I need to get you out of here."

He felt Lou take a shuddering breath and then wrap her arms around him. He realized this was the first time they had ever hugged. Probably the most physical contact they had ever had with each other. "Buck." She said her voice cracking around a sob she was fighting to control.

"I have you Lou. I'm not going anywhere. We're in this together." He said in his regular voice.

"Thank you."

"You know him daughter?" The man said as he followed Buck into the tee-pee

Buck spoke before Lou could. "Lou is my wife."


	5. Chapter 5

'WIFE!' screamed in Lou's head and she shut her eyes and tried to control her breathing. She knew Buck didn't think of her like that. He was only trying to protect her. To get her home. He wasn't trying to claim her, to own her, just help her. She felt herself calming.

"Why didn't you say this daughter?" the man asked

"I didn't know what to say." Lou answered then thinking quickly, "When you began to talk about me getting married I panicked. I couldn't. I wouldn't do that to Buck."

Buck placed himself between Lou and the man, "Why do you call her daughter?"

"My youngest son is only alive because she protected him. He had followed his brother and his friends to the stream. They didn't know he was there and they were set upon by the Taos men. Little Moon ran out at the noise wanting to help his brother. Daughter saw one of the Taos men aim for him and ran from nowhere and threw herself on him. She took his bullet. They beat her to try and get at Moon but she never moved off of him. The boys brought her home, nearly dead. I have taken her as my daughter to ensure her protection and safety and a good marriage for her, though she does not need that I see."

Buck turned and looked at Lou, pride in his eyes and saw only confusion on her face. "Lou?"

"Really?" Lou asked confused. "I don't recall any of that."

"You were hit several times by the Taos men with the butts of their guns. My son said you yelled at them at first to leave but after a while went quiet."

Lou gingerly touched the back of her head and felt several bumps and areas of matted hair which could only mean blood had dried back there.

"I will leave you two. If you need anything I am Golden Feather and my daughter is Quaking Aspen, she has been looking after you."

"Thank you." Lou said and tried to reach out to Golden Feather but stopped when her arm shot with pain. Wincing she added, "Gunshot wound?"

Feather nodded and smiled, "You are healing well though as long as you remain still."

Laughing Buck said, "I see you've spent time with Lou."

Lou smacked Buck with her good hand.

"If you feel well enough. Join us at the fire tonight for dinner."

"Thank you." Lou said "We will."

Once they were alone Lou turned and looked at Buck, "How did you find me?"

Buck shrugged

Answering for him Lou said, "Tracking skills right. Is what he said true?"

"It makes sense with what I saw by the stream. Lou who are the Taos men?"

"The man who built Ft. Namaqua is filling it and the surrounding area with men from his home in Mexico. They all speak Spanish so my visit there was a little difficult, I hope they didn't follow me. That I wasn't the reason those kids got attacked."

"Doubt it. There's been fighting in this area for a while. Sounds more like you're the hero. You can beat Cody with this story."

Lou laughed, "He'll be purple that he didn't get this run." Lou remembered then why she'd been sent on this run and the fight with Kid.

Buck watched her face change. "I'm the only one Teaspoon told. The others just think you're on a special run and now so am I. I got a week to get you home though or he's going to tell them. You've already been gone a week longer than he thought you'd be."

"I'm glad it was you he sent." Lou said and smiled.

"I guess for once being an Indian worked in my favor."

"Not that, dummy. I'm glad he sent you because you stayed calm and knew how to find me and get to me and help me without making things worse. The others all tend to shoot first and ask questions or think later."

Buck smiled and looked down embarrassed at the compliment. "You don't mind that I said you're my wife? That because of that I'll be sharing the tee-pee with you until we leave?"

"I'm happy you're next to me Buck and we've slept in tighter quarters than this before." The two laughed remembering a few runs when they'd had to bunk together in odd circumstances.


	6. Chapter 6

As it got darker the fires began to light and the sounds of the camp changed. It slowly became less busy and more relaxed.

"Want to go out and sit by the fire?" Buck asked "Have some dinner?"

"Yeah." Lou said and shifted slowly under the fur blankets. "You are going to actually let me out from under this mound to do that right?" Lou teased as Buck was concerned for Lou and trying to keep her still grimaced any time she moved and her blankets left her.

"Yes." Buck said laughing lightly. "I'm sorry. I just want you well enough to ride and Feather's comment about you nearly dying scared me. I'm not going back to Sweetwater and telling that group that you died. They'd scalp me."

Lou laughed outright at that comment. "Here take this." She said and handed Buck the top blanket. Shifting she got her legs under her and stood. She felt the weight of the dress drop around her.

"Oh" Buck breathed and felt the blanket slip from his grasp as he looked down at Lou in the simple doe skin dress. Her hair was nearly the same color as the dress and her eyes shined in the fading light. Buck felt his heart quicken and stopped and reminded himself, 'This is Lou. This is not your wife. This is Lou.'

"Do I look that funny?" Lou asked

"You're gorgeous." Buck whispered and fought not to reach out and touch her.

Lou blushed. "Buck you seen me in a dress before."

"Not like this Lou." He said and stepped to her. "It's not too heavy?" He asked knowing how much weight a buckskin shirt was and adding on a skirt and a bad shoulder.

"No." Lou said simply, "I'd like to know where my clothes are though. I'm not going home looking like this."

Buck laughed and said, "Well it would be a hell of a story."

"Fine you ride all the way back to Sweetwater in a dress."

Laughing Buck held open the flap so Lou could get outside. She immediately shivered in the late October air. "I never realized how warm a tee-pee was."

Buck smiled, surprised that he was enjoying sharing this part of himself with someone. "They're amazing, warm in winter, cool in summer. You do deal with bugs but…" Buck shrugged as if to say you can't have everything.

They got to the fire and Feather waved them over, "Daughter, sit."

He called out something and soon his daughter Quaking Aspen walked over and touched Lou's shoulder and signaled for her to come with her. Lou looked at Buck who shook his head unsure what was going on but seemed to be watching everything very carefully and closely.

A moment later Lou and Aspen returned and Lou now had a heavily beaded, decorative belt on high on her waist and a buffalo robe drapped over her shoulders. Buck felt the air leave his lungs when he looked at her. She sat down next to him and said softly, "Not one word."

Buck smiled remembering her saying something similar the day they were all introduced to Louise at Emma's house when they saw her in that soft pink dress for the first time. He couldn't stop himself from stepping towards her then either.

Lost in the memory Buck jumped when Aspen laid a Buffalo robe over his shoulders and greeted him in Shoshonean. The words were both familiar and strange at the same time. Buck looked at her and signed *thank you *

Aspen nodded and then went and joined the other women to finish preparing the meal. Buck watched as the others in the village began to come over and sit around this fire or to sit at a nearby fire. A suspicion began to grow in his mind and he was curious if it would pan out.

One of the warriors walked over and sat down across from Lou and spoke to Feather. He pointed more than once at Lou. Buck had an idea of what was being said based on the body language so he stood and answered, *She is my wife *

*You are not worthy to be with her half-breed *

Buck felt his blood boil. Lou put a hand on his arm. He looked at her and tried to calm himself.

*She deserves a warrior *

*I deserve an honorable man like Buck. Not someone who would speak poorly of one he doesn't know * Lou said having had more than enough of men speaking for her. Let alone letting her friend be attacked by this stranger who doesn't know either of them.

"Daughter. This is not how it is done." Feather said

"I'm sorry but no one tells me what to do and know one calls Buck a half-breed and gets away with it." Lou said trying hard to be polite to the man she'd begun to care for despite herself.

"I'm ok Lou." Buck said and turned to look at her. He took a slow steadying breath and placed his hands on her arms to focus both of them. Lou raised her eyebrow at Buck and gave him a half grin. He shot her a quizzical look. She cut her eyes to the rude warrior and then back to Buck then she looked at his lips, licked her own and nodded almost imperceptibly.

Buck was pretty sure he had imagined what Lou had just done, until she slid her hand onto his waist and squeezed gently. Buck looked into her eyes and then lowered his head to hers. Lightly he touched his lips to hers and felt his eyes close at the contact and the pressure on their lips increase. His arms went around her and he held her to him for a second before he let go and stepped back. "We're ok Lou." He said held her to his side.

Feather said a few words to the warrior which seemed to end all of his arguments and the man went and sat down by the neighboring fire.

"You two are very well suited." Feather said

Buck smiled shyly but said nothing Lou responded with a mumbled "Thanks" both seemed lost in thought.

"N'hayo." Aspen said and brought over the first bowl of stew and handed it to Feather. He took the bowl and thanked her. Then indicated the others and she nodded and soon everyone was eating and talking.

"What does N'Hayo mean?" Lou asked curiously

Feather laughed and explained that when Aspen was little she often got words wrong and she always heard her mother saying his name and when she tried to say it herself it came out N'Hayo. So, it became their own special term.

Buck smiled and said, "That happened with me and my brother. I called him a private name for many years because the first time I tried to call his name it came out wrong."

"What is your brothers name?"

"Red Bear. He's War Chief for the Kiowa." Buck said then realized that may not sound right.

"I have heard of him." Feather said and nodded. "That means you are Running Buck. I have also heard your story."

Buck wasn't sure if that was good or bad.

"Daughter is right. You are honorable."

Buck remembered the trials he went through to save Ike and assumed that is what he meant.


	7. Chapter 7

Dinner over and the weather having turned Buck and Lou were headed back to their tee-pee when Golden Feather called out, "Running Buck."

Buck turned back and saw the older man indicating the fire, "For your fire tonight."

Buck smiled, "Thank you Golden Feather." And took a burning stick.

Once back inside the tee-pee, Buck placed the stick in the fire circle and then looked at Lou and said, "I'm gonna set up a place to sleep tonight. Do you have a preference?"

"Do you mind sleeping between me and the door, flap, um, whatever the opening is called."

Buck smiled and said, "Of course." He then began to lay out some of the furs a few feet away from Lou's.

Lou watched him for a minute and then walked over to him and said, "Buck. I know I don't know a lot about life in an Indian camp but, if we're supposed to be married wouldn't we be sharing a bed?"

Buck swallowed heavily and then nodded

"So, don't you think someone might think it's odd if we have 2 separate sleeping pallets?"

"I didn't want you to be uncomfortable." Buck said and then stepped closer to Lou so he could see her face in the firelight, "Lou in the last few hours you and I have touched more than we have since we met nearly a year ago. I kissed you."

"First off Buck, you've been doing what you need to given the situation. Second off, I told you to kiss me. Third, I kissed you back." Lou blushed slightly at the last truth. "I trust you Buck. I know I'm safe with you."

"Thank you." Buck said brushed a stray piece of hair behind Lou's ear. "Then I guess I should fix this pallet." Buck looked over at the furs next to him.

"You do that and I'm going to take off this belt." Lou said, "It may be pretty but it's heavier than the dress."

Buck laughed lightly and adjusted the bedding. He kneeled back and saw Lou twisting trying to get to the ties in the back. Stepping up behind her he laid a soft hand on her good shoulder and said quietly, "Do you want help?"

"Please." Lou said and stepped into Buck's reach. She shut her eyes as she felt his big gentle hands slid slowly down her back until they reached the belt. Silently Buck undid the series of ties that held the belt in place. He slid the belt forward his arms reaching around Lou.

Lou turned in his arms and she placed one of her small hands on his chest. Buck didn't move, though he felt himself responding to her nearness and her touch. Lou's hand slid up Buck's chest and stopped at his cheek. She was surprised by the smoothness of it, she felt his jaw twitch and felt his jawbone under her fingers. She wondered what he was thinking. "Buck?" she asked softly and felt his head cock slightly to look at her better. She could see the whites of his eyes glowing in the firelight.

The desire to kiss Lou was pounding through Buck's veins. When she whispered his name like that his whole body responded to her and it took every ounce of strength he had not to grab her to him. Instead he let the belt fall gently to the furs beside them and laid his hands on her back. He spread his fingers out and realized that he could cover nearly her entire back with just his hands. He felt her fingers begin to play with the little hairs at the back of his neck and he looked at her. Tiny, fragile, fierce, strong, independent, amazing and he was alone with her and she was in his arms. All he had to do was lower his head, he thought.

She felt his head lean down and she smiled up at him. She touched the back of his neck and encouraged him to come closer. She leaned into him and felt him leaning into her, acquiescing to her fingers slowly massaging his neck. She saw his eyes close and then for a second it seemed everything stopped as she felt his lips on hers. Softly at first, but then more pressure and she sighed underneath him. Buck touched her lips with his tongue tasting her for the first time. Lou responded by sliding her tongue into his mouth and tracing mindless patterns while she discovered that she was being held up and against Buck while he caressed her mouth with his.

Buck pulled back first. He felt himself shaking slightly. "Lou." He whispered and stepped away from her. "I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry." He stepped backwards clear to the other side of the fire.

Lou stepped right over to him and took his hand in hers and brought him back to the fur pallets. She placed her hand on his shoulder and urged him to sit. She seated herself and got comfortable next to Buck before she spoke. "You didn't do anything I didn't want you to do so why are you apologizing?"

"Lou you deserve so much better."

"Than what? A caring friend? An honorable man? Someone who actually gives a damn about me?" Lou said all this simply, plainly and without malice.

"I know what I am Lou." Before Buck could finish the thought Lou put her hand over his mouth.

"If you say something stupid about blood or Kathleen Devlin, I'll shoot you myself." Lou said looking Buck dead in the eyes. "I know what you went through. I know how bad she hurt you and if I could have strung her up for it I would have. Buck you've never done anything to anyone in your entire life that could make the hell you've been through make sense. You and I had unfortunate fathers, that's all. We don't let them keep ruining our lives forever."

Buck smiled sadly at Lou's words but his heart felt like it had just started beating again for the first time in a very long time. "I need to know something Lou. What did you see when you saw me for the first time?"

"Honestly, an Indian. Quiet, careful, intelligent. Those first few days I was wary of all of you because of stuff I was dealing with and with you it was your sneakiness that had me the most concerned."

"Sneakiness?"

"Yeah, having Ike stand away from you even though you two knew each other. Or one of my favorites was you teaching Ike signs for things like water. Seriously. That was damn funny."

Buck smiled, "Some of that was Ike."

"I know." Lou said with a laugh

Slowly Buck reached a hand out and touched Lou's cheek. "I'm sorry you've been hurt."

"I know." Lou said softly and looked away


	8. Chapter 8

Later that night as they slept their bodies rolled towards each other seeking warmth. Neither was aware of what was occurring.

CRACK

Lou sat up with a jerk and felt her head connect with something solid. She saw stars in her field of vision and for just a second everything went black. She tried hard not to cry out but couldn't stop the tears that slid down her cheeks from the contact.

Breathing hard she said, "What was that?"

"My chin." Buck said slowly as he rubbed his jaw.

"Sorry. I don't remember being so close." Lou admitted feeling embarrassed that she had been curled up on Buck's chest, his arms tight around her. "I was actually referring to whatever…"

CRACK

"Thunder snow." Buck said before Lou could finish her question

"What?"

"Sometimes when it snows it thunders, same as when it rains." Buck explained.

"How have I never noticed his before?"

"Houses have solid walls and roofs and floors. Being outside when it occurs you are much more aware of it. Thunder snow is kinda rare so you may never have been on a run," Buck remembered Lou had a difficult time before coming to Sweetwater and added, "or slept outside during one before."

"Does it look any different than a regular snowstorm?"

"C'mon." Buck said as he stood and extended a hand to Lou. She slid her fingers into his hand and felt him interlace their fingers and smiled in the dark.

He led them carefully out of the tent and out to the camp and a few feet from the tee-pee so Lou could see sky. "No stars." Buck pointed out.

CRACK

Lou jumped and wrapped her arms around Buck. Instantly he held her tight to him one hand on the back of her neck the other on her back covering and protecting her. Lou started to pull away and Buck let her go. "You're a very warm person." He said softly

Lou stepped back to Buck and slipped her arms around his waist and leaned her head lightly against his chest. "Warmer?" she asked quietly

"yeah." Buck said and smiled. "Wanna hear a story about Thunder snow?"

"Sure. But let's go back inside." Lou said and took Buck's hand in hers and led him back to their bed. She wasn't shy when they got inside this time and when she lay down on the pallets she held on side of the fur up for Buck. When he sat down she laid the furs over him and then slid her body up against his for warmth and comfort.

Buck slid one arm under her neck and the other around her waist as he held her from behind his head resting again on top of hers. "Is this ok?"

"Yeah." Lou said already feeling her eyes getting heavy. "So tell me a story."

"Well the great spirits like to watch down on us." He felt Lou yawn and knew she was beginning to drift off. "So when there are too many clouds in the sky they toss rocks across them like skipping stones in a pond. That's what causes the thunder."

"What causes the snow?" Lou asked turning slightly and lifting her head up towards Buck.

"When the stone falls through it creates a hole and all the insides fall out. Sometimes snow, sometimes water."

Lou felt safe and warm and happy for the first time in quite a while. She laid a hand on Buck's chest and began to draw lazy circles, "Is that a true story or did you just make it up?"

"All stories are made up some where." Buck said and picked up her hand and brought it to his lips and kissed her finger lightly before placing it back on his chest.

Her hand was moving of it's own accord and drifted slowly up towards Buck's face and caressed his cheek. "You're a good storyteller."

Buck shut his eyes for a second relishing her touch. "I have a good audience." Bucks hand slid up to Lou's shoulder and then down her arm

"mmmm" Lou sighed her eyes shut, "Buck" Lou whispered

"Yeah Lou?" Buck whispered back

"Promise me something."

"Anything"

"That as long as you're my husband you'll keep touching me and making me feel like this."

Buck swallowed heavily, "I promise Lou."

Lou snored lightly and Buck saw she was already asleep and smiled. He leaned down and kissed her head gently.

Lou rolled further into Buck so she was half lying on him her leg between his. Buck wrapped his arms tightly around her and held her close. Her head was lying over his heart and he wondered if she could hear it's traitorous words pounding away.


	9. Chapter 9

When next Lou woke the sun was up. She was still laying atop Buck and he was holding her tightly to him. Lou smiled at the feeling of pressure pushing into her stomach. There was something nice in knowing that she was giving Buck pleasant dreams. She tried to move but Buck's grip tightened around her and he mumbled something incomprehensible. He also twitched against her stomach and made her nearly giggle. "Ok." Lou whispered, "I won't go anywhere." She lowered her head onto his chest and let her fingers begin trailing aimlessly up and down his arm and chest.

"MMM" Buck murmured sleepily, "That feels nice Lou."

"I'm glad." Lou said as she watched Buck slowly come awake. She ran her knuckles over his jaw and let them slide into his hair, then back down to his shoulder.

"I could get used to waking up this way." Buck whispered

"Only for a few more days." Lou teased, "I suspect that Jimmy ain't gonna be this gentle when it comes to getting you outta bed."

Buck cracked an eye and looked at her, smiling he said, "Fair point. Speaking of any thoughts on how to get him to stop eating beans?"

Lou laughed as she lay on top of Buck. Her laughter causing her body to vibrate over his and his body responded automatically to the motion. Embarrassed Buck slid her to the side and off of himself.

Lou looked at him confused, wondering what had happened. As she saw Buck shift to a sitting position and pull the blankets over his lap. She bit her lips to keep from smiling. He couldn't really be embarrassed she thought but the pink undertone to his skin told her he was.

Lou sat up and looked away for a minute giving Buck time to adjust himself if needed. When she turned back she looked at his face and he was looking much more like himself.

"Lou"

"Buck"

They said at the same time.

They smiled at each other. "Thank you for last night." Lou said softly.

Buck reached out and took her hand, his thumb gently stroking the back. "Of course."

Lou looked down at their hands and turned hers slowly so their fingers intertwined. "Buck you won't tell the others will you?"

"Tell them what?" Buck asked then realizing she was asking about the thunder, "No. Fear is good. It keeps us safe. It's how we know there's something to be careful of." Then with a smile Buck added, "Anyway, what happens between you and I is a secret that remains between husband and wife." Buck added with a wink.

Lou laughed lightly and said, "Good. Thank you." Then impulsively leaned forward and kissed Buck, "I'm glad you're my husband." She said as the kiss ended.

Buck slid his arms around her back and pulled her closer to him. The one small kiss wasn't enough, he needed more. He tilted his head to the side and brought his lips to hers. He felt her mouth open under his and he slid his tongue into the warmth of her mouth. He felt her inhale as he increased the pressure and his tongue became more demanding.

Her arms tightened around him holding him closer to her. He could taste her, feel her and still he wanted more. His hand slid into her hair and he cupped the back of her head. He leaned her head back giving him even greater access.

Realizing he needed air, he pulled back and lowered his mouth onto her jaw and began to place kisses down her neck to that soft spot where neck and shoulder meet. His teeth grazed lightly there and he heard her gasp.

He pulled back and saw her eyes shining with flames behind them. He brought his head back and nipped her again, but this time felt her hand on the back of his head pushing him, encouraging him so he sucked and bit and tasted her until he heard her sigh aloud.

He pulled back and captured her lips again feeling her sigh his name onto his lips.

"AHEM"

Buck pulled away from Lou as if he'd been burned and pushed her behind him as he turned to look at the sound.

*Father wanted you to join him this morning when they hunt. *

*Aspen* Buck signed and Lou laughing smacked Buck lightly

Buck was bright red and embarrassed. Lou was also red but more from exertion than embarrassment. Buck looked at Lou and she nodded to him. "You sure?"

"Go." Lou said smiling

*Thank you * Buck signed and pulled on his boots and headed out.

Aspen looked at Lou and smiled then signed, *He is in love with you. You are very lucky. *

Lou smiled and signed back *I think I might be. *

The two women laughed.

A few hours later Buck returned with the rest of the hunting party. It had been successful they had shot 2 deer and several rabbits were caught as well. Buck hadn't often been included in parties like this when he had lived with the Kiowa, mostly because of his age but also because of who his father had been. So he was very happy with the day and wanted to share that with Lou.

Before getting to the tent he picked up several bowls and filled them with snow 2 with warm water. He carried them back to the tee-pee and when he entered he smiled at the sight before him. Lou was seated with Aspen and three other women all signing and talking and working. It reminded him of being among the Kiowa, it was like back home. He was surprised to hear Lou speaking Shoshonean and felt proud that she had picked up some words already.

When the others saw him come in they all started to giggle and quickly gathered up their things and headed out. One of the women, about Rachel's age turned and said something to Lou and then touched her neck and laughed. Lou rolled her eyes and then laughed as well.

"I didn't mean to stop the party." Buck said.

"You didn't. They were teaching me."

"What?" Buck asked curious

"Promise you won't make fun."

"Lou."

Lou pulled something out from under a pile of furs. It was a sun bleached doe skin dress. "They've been teaching me to sew and decorate." Lou said and bit her bottom lip. Buck sait down next to her and looked at the intricate stitches holding the thousands of tiny beads in place.

"You did all this?"

Lou nodded

"It's beautiful." Buck gently ran a hand over the handiwork. "How?"

"Slowly. With a lot of help."

"You never stop impressing me." Buck said looking her in her eyes and smiled when he saw Lou smile.


	10. Chapter 10

Lou looked over at the bowls and said, "Buck?"

"hmmm?" Buck said distractedly

"What are the bowls for?"

"Oh. I forgot." Buck said with a smile "I thought you might want to get that dried blood out of your hair."

"Really?"

"Mm hmm." Buck said as he stood and put the bowls over the fire to warm. He the seated himself so he could reach the bowls and said, "if you sit across my lap I can rinse your hair for you. I'm thinking with just one arm it'll be difficult."

Lou smiled slowly. She walked to Buck and sat so that she was between his legs and her head was over his right arm and her legs were across his left leg. She took a slow steadying breath when she felt Buck gently begin to finger through her hair.

"I'm going to pour on a little water. It's probably still cold." Buck said softly as his fingers held a handful of her hair.

Lou shut her eyes as Buck dripped some water gently onto her head. She sighed as he began to finger comb through the dried blood. "That already feels better." Lou admitted almost to quietly for Buck to hear.

Buck slowly and painstakingly continued the process with the water getting slightly warmer as he continued. Finally, he stopped and laid his hands on her shoulders and gently massaged her neck and let his fingers softly rub her bruised scalp.

Lou smiled and bit her bottom lip. She was enjoying his ministrations. His fingers were long and agile and gentle. She couldn't help but wonder how his fingers would feel elsewhere and was surprised to find herself growing warm. Slowly she turned under his hands so that her body was facing his and she slid her hands up Buck's chest.

She found his top shirt button and silently without thought, without opening her eyes, she felt her fingers undo the button and touch the warm skin underneath. She felt Buck's heart quicken and his intake of breath. He didn't stop massaging her neck and scalp though and so she allowed herself to slip her fingers further up around his neck behind his collar. She played with the soft little hairs that grew at his nape. She slid her hands into his hair and lowered his head to hers.

Buck kissed Lou deeply, passionately and Lou smiled as she felt his body respond beneath hers. Her own body was responding too. Buck's fingers left her scalp and cradled her head supporting her as he demanded more from her, his tongue probing deeply into her mouth.

Pulling back, Lou looked at Buck remembering what he had told her the night before, "Buck, if I told you I were cold. Would you warm me?"

"Are you cold Lou?"

Lou scooted off of Buck's lap and kneeled if front of Buck. She grabbed the dress she'd been wearing since she awoke the first time in the tee-pee and pulled it up over her head and laid it down next to them. "Yes, Buck I'm cold. Will you warm me?"

"Oh Lou." Buck breathed as he looked at her. He stood slowly and took her hands in his and led her to the fur pallets. "Are you sure."

Lou reached over and slid her fingers down Buck's shirt slowly undoing his buttons, "Yes. Are you?"

Slowly Buck knelt down on the furs bringing Lou with him. He felt her push his shirt and vest off of him in one swift motion. "Yes." Buck laid down and let Lou take control he didn't want to her to feel forced.

Lou slid her hands down Buck's chest and admired the soft golden bronze tone. She lowered her head and began to nip at him as he had done to her that morning. She left a trail of small marks from his neck down to his nipple and then to his middle and straight down to his waist. When she got to his belt she stopped and looked up at him from under her lashes. Buck felt himself harden even more than he already was at the look she was giving him.

Lou made quick work of his belt and pants and soon had Buck freed of his constraints. She smiled when she saw him unclothed and before him. Watching her Buck smiled back at her and then rolled her onto her back.

He kissed her and then kissed her ear pulling her lobe between his teeth causing her to gasp. He began to nip his way down to her breast where he first cupped her in his hand and rolled her nipple between his thumb and finger. He watched her face while he did this. When he saw her golden flecks begin to dance he lowered his head and sucked on her breasts enjoying her gasps and moans as he occasionally ran his teeth across her. Then he left the right side and repeated this on the left side but continued ministering to the right side with his left hand. He felt her arch slightly under him and groaned.

Buck lowered his head and trailed his tongue across her flat stomach and then blew on the wet trail causing Lou to gasp. He looked at her dark curls while he watched her react to the cold air on her mid-section. Then gingerly he touched them they were soft and bristly at the same time. He left his fingers slide down through the thick mass until he found her soft protected skin.

"Buck" Lou hissed

Buck stopped and looked up at Lou waiting for her to tell him what to do. Lou opened her eyes when she realized he'd stopped and smiled at him, then she led his hand to where her hard-tight nub was throbbing with pleasure and showed him how to touch her.

Buck learned quickly and soon Lou was gasping for air and arching for more. Buck slid a finger inside of Lou and felt her tighten hard around him. He slowly pulled his finger out and then slid it back in. She was already so wet and ready for him he only moved his finger into her a few times before he heard her gasping and she was arching off of the ground.

Removing his finger Buck licked it clean and then pressed his lips to her curls and let his tongue explore where his finger had just been. Lou gasped at this quick continuation but held him to her with her hands to the back of his head. She pushed herself into him while also pushing him into her. She felt his tongue and lips and teeth on her and in her and thought she might explode. It wasn't until she felt Buck slid a finger in as well that she gasped. Then he pulled it out and when he pushed back in he slid in two fingers and she couldn't hold back her voice anymore and she let go with a sound that to Buck sounded like she was about to be thrown and was scared. He tried to move but she wouldn't let him stop, she was moving under him now, Buck smiled and pushed her farther until he felt her inner walls tighten and close around him, he felt her whole body coming up off of the pallet and then just a suddenly collapse back down.

Buck slid up Lou's body and kissed her. Lou wanting more rolled Buck onto his back and straddled him. She felt him line up with her. She was already sopping wet from all of Buck's attention and she needed to feel him in her. She slowly lowered herself down on top of Buck's shaft, her body stretching to take all of him in. She paused part way down to adjust and felt Buck grip her hips. She looked down at his deep brown eyes and smiled, this felt so right. She lowered herself the rest of the way and felt Buck shudder as she encased his entire length.

Slowly at first and then growing faster as her confidence grew, Lou began to slide up and down Buck's length taking all of him every time. She felt him begin to shake under her and enjoyed the power she felt at being in control of this moment. She interlaced their fingers and used his strength to push herself harder and faster on him. She heard Buck growl under her and looked down just in time to see him tighten his grip on her and roll her onto her back. Buck gave three hard pushes and Lou felt herself at the edge of finishing for a third time. Two more thrusts and she felt Buck tighten and then release a warmness filling her and that was all she needed, she felt herself fall over the edge of delight and relax into Buck as he filled her completely.

Slowly she felt him roll to her side and pull the covers over them. "Are you still cold Lou?" Buck asked softly as he kissed her gently at the temple his fingers stroking her hair.

"I could definitely do for some more warming up." Lou said with a smile

"You're trying to kill me." Buck said with a laugh and then shut his eyes and pulled Lou to him a smile on both of their faces.


	11. Chapter 11

Later after it had gone dark and the fires were lit. Buck and Lou made their way back to their tee-pee after joining Golden Feather at his fire for dinner again.

Once they were inside Lou began to pace nervously. Buck sat down on their pallet and watched her for a minute. He knew something had been bothering her while they ate and knew she was building up to saying it. He just had to be patient.

"Buck."

His brown eyes looked up at her and one eyebrow raised as he said, "hmm?"

"Buck, Buck didn't it bother you?"

Confused Buck thought for a moment about what she could be talking about, "Didn't what bother me."

"That I'm not a virgin."

"Did it bother you that I was?"

"What?" Lou said and sat down suddenly, "How? I mean, I just thought, but you…." Lou let off as she tried to piece this new information together.

"Lou, I was promised to Little Bird when I left the Kiowa but we were still children. We never even kissed, not really. I was only 11. After that I was with the nuns until Ike and came to the Express and you know what that's been like for me. White people see me as an Indian and they won't let me touch them. Indian's see me as too white and don't trust me. Closest was Kathleen and well…."

"Let's not." Lou said shortly her protective edges getting bristled.

Buck smiled at Lou and reached a hand over and stroked her shoulder. Lou leaned into his touch and eased.

"I'm sorry. I should have realized. I just assumed, maybe when Kid's brother took everyone into town or…" but Lou shook her head, "But that's not you is it." She looked at Buck and touched his cheek. "I'm sorry that I wasn't …. Well that it was with me then." Lou said feeling ashamed.

"I'm not." Buck said and put a hand under her chin, lifting her eyes up to his. "I've been just a little in love with you since we found out you were a girl and then that day at Emma's when we all saw you in your pink dress. Lou, Ike had to stop me from walking straight to you."

"Really?" Lou said surprised, "You never let on."

Buck shrugged, "You and Kid had eyes only for each other and even when that ended it seemed like Jimmy was interested and I didn't want us all to be fighting, so I stepped back. I figured you were smart and if you saw me then you saw me and if you didn't then you didn't."

"I always saw you Buck."

"Sure but not like that. Not til we got some time alone."

"No. I just didn't think I was good enough for ya." Lou took a deep breath. "Buck there are things in my past. Dark things. You are such a good man that I didn't want to ever drag you down with me but being here with you, I don't know. I guess I started to hope, to believe that maybe you would see beyond all of that."

"I do Lou." Buck took her hand in his and whispered, "I know that you and my mother had too much in common."

Lou looked up sharply, "How?"

"The look in your eye, the way you move, how you sometimes startle too easily. You don't get raised by someone who lived through that not to know it when you see it a second time around."

"It's why you kept asking if I was sure. If I was ok?"

Buck nodded, "Red Bear's father did that for our mother when she was ready. Red Bear told me."

Lou looked shocked, then said, "Tee-pee's, thin walls?"

Buck smiled and nodded. "My mother always said she was lucky to be married to a good man."

"I agree." Lou said smiling. "But Buck even after that."

"I know about you and Kid. Everyone does. I don't want you to be anyone other than who you are. You and Kid tried. It didn't work. I won't ever hold that against you."

"That. That right there." Lou said as she wrapped her arms around Buck's neck. "that is how I know this is right."

"What do you want to do when we get home? We should leave tomorrow." Buck said smiling as he slid his arms around her and pulled her close.

"Let's talk about that on the ride. Right now, I'm feeling cold again." Lou said her eyes sparkling as she leaned in to capture Buck's lips.


	12. Chapter 12

Morning came to find Lou curled up in Buck's arms. "Time to leave?" she asked sadly as Buck slowly stroked her hair.

"Yeah." Buck said realizing he was going to miss this time with Lou and living in a camp like this. He felt at home and safe among the Yampa which seemed odd seeing as he never felt that among his own people. "I'll go see about your clothes. I'm guessing you don't want to ride home in your dress."

Lou laughed at the idea, "I don't think that would work well."

"It's doable but I think you'll be more comfortable in your regular clothes."

Buck quickly pulled on his pants and boots and stepped out and found Aspen already up and tending to the morning fires. He asked her for Lou's boy clothes. She gave them but asked why. He explained they needed to go home.

"N'Hayo." She said simply as she turned to go to her father's tee-pee.

Buck stepped inside the tent and handed Lou her clothes and said, "Golden Feather is going to come say good-bye I believe." She turned her back to him to begin getting dressed

"Oh." Lou said sadly, "I didn't think about having to say good-bye to him."

"You've grown to care for him haven't you."

"Yeah. I guess I like how he talks to me and always calls me daughter." Lou paused for a moment turning and said, "Buck promise me something."

"Anything Lou."

"Promise me we'll come back here and see Golden Feather and Aspen and all the others again."

Buck felt his throat tighten. She was talking as if they'd be together in the future. He wanted to hope for that but was afraid. "Anytime you want." Buck heard himself saying but didn't remember the words forming. He stepped up behind her and said softly, "Let me help." As he helped her get her shirt on over her still limited arm and then turned her gently in his arms and did up her buttons.

Lou smiled at how careful he was being with her arm. "I think I can handle the rest."

"OK"

Buck watched as she strapped on her belt and adjusted her gun but then struggled with the ties.

"Dammit. Buck. Do you mind?"

"Never." Buck said and sat at her feet and quickly tied the strap to hold her gun to her leg. "It's good you got shot on the left side though"

"I'm not about to leave you with only one gun." Lou teased as they stepped out of the tee-pee into the early morning sun.

"I hear you are leaving today daughter." Golden Feather said as he approached them.

"We need to get home. Our family is waiting for us to return." Lou said, "Thank you for everything."

"You are both always welcome to come home anytime." Golden Feather said and laid a loving hand on Lou's head.

"Thank you." Lou said and then she took Golden Feathers hand in hers and held it to her cheek and said softly, "Father."

Buck placed a hand on the small of Lou's back and she leaned into him.

"It is time to go." Golden Feather said but just then Aspen came running up and said something urgent to her father. "Please wait. Quaking Aspen has a present for you."

Aspen handed Lou a wrapped package and several small bags * For you my sister. When you and Running Buck come home and for when a baby comes. * then hugged Lou tightly.

Lou and Buck both turned red and looked away from each other. They mounted their horses and set off in the direction of home.

They rode all morning stopping as needed to water the horses but quickly setting back off. When the sun was at its peak they stopped to rest and eat. Now just at The Buttes there was no snow on the ground and it felt slightly warmer.

Lou started a small fire while Buck got some food out of their packs. "I guess things are different now." Lou said softly.

Buck kneeled in front of Lou and handed her a plate "What do you mean?"

"Now that I look like this again." Lou said looking down at her pants and gun. Her hat sitting on the log next to her.

"Do you want it to be like before?" Buck asked praying she wouldn't hear the fear in his voice.

"No." Lou looked up at him and then looked around before touching Buck's hand, "I want things between us to stay as they have been. As much as they can." She added with a wry smile.

Buck felt his hope grow, "Lou?"

"I want us." Lou said quietly. "I don't know how we're gonna do this but…." Lou stopped when Buck squeezed her hand.

"Same way we do everything. We figure it out as we go."

Lou laughed at that and smiled for the first time since they'd left the camp. Buck smiled at her and Lou stopped and looked at him, "What?"

"I like your smile."

Lou turned red and looked away then looked back at Buck and said softly, "I smile when I'm with you." Then she leaned over and kissed Buck lightly. "C'mon let's see if we can get to Laramie before nightfall." Looking Buck in the eye she said, "It'll be nice to sleep in a real bed for a change."

Buck nodded.

Just as the sun was starting to set they rode into Laramie. Lou turned and headed straight for the hotel. Buck followed a pace behind. They dismounted and tied their horses up in front of the hotel and stepped in.

"We need a room for the night." Buck said.

The man behind the desk looked at him and then at Lou. His eyebrow went up and he said to Lou, "We only got one and we don't serve his kind here anyway."

"What do you mean his kind? He is my..." Buck put his hand on her arm stopping her. Lou turned and looked at him and realized that they weren't actually married and stopped.

Her eyes were flashing with anger at how they'd insulted Buck. It wasn't right. Suddenly she understood Kid's constant hovering presence, it must feel like her need to step in right now but she bit down on it instead and turned to Buck and let him lead as this was his battle.

"You take the room Lou. I gotta take the horses to the corral any way. I'll see if I can bunk with them." Buck said simply as if the matter were already settled.

"I'll meet you back here in 15 minutes?" Lou asked

"Of course." Buck said with a smile and headed out the door.

Lou signed for the room and took the key to room 14. "Fourth door down on the left" she was told. Once at the top of the stairs Lou quickly found room 14 but then noticed an unmarked doorway a few feet further down. She passed 1 more room and found herself in the backstairs. Lou smiled as a plan came to her mind and her fingertips covered her mouth.

15 minutes later found Lou and Buck walking down the street toward the saloon. They figured they'd be better able to blend in there than if they went to the restaurant attached to the hotel. They got in got some sandwiches and sarsaparilla and talked quietly. Once they were done Buck walked Lou back to the hotel and once he was sure she was safe inside, said goodnight to the man at the counter and headed towards the stable.

Lou stopped on the stairs to watch Buck leave.

"You really friends with that?"

"Yes. He's saved my life more than once." Lou said calmly, "Can you have a hot bath sent up, please."

"Sure." The man at the desk said with a shake of his head. 'no accountin for taste' he thought.


	13. Chapter 13

Buck stood just outside watching the girls go up and down the back stairs with buckets of heated water. When they came down for the third time they stopped and looked at each other and smiled and said something and then both laughed before running off to do their next chore. With a smile Buck headed up the stairs carefully. He kept his back to the wall and moved as quietly as he could. When he got to the second floor he walked quickly to the second door on the right and pressed his back against the door as he looked up and down the hallway. Not seeing anyone he reached behind him and twisted the knob slowly and pushed the door open behind him and stepped backward into room 14.

He shut the door and locked and gave an audible sigh before turning around. When he did he felt his breath disappear from his lungs and all the words he had ever known fall out of his head and clatter to the floor.

"Lou." He whispered as he looked at the woman he was falling more and more in love with sitting in a tub of steaming water with bubbles surrounding her.

"Are you planning to hold up the wall all night Buck?"

"Huh?" Buck said confused and then looked at the wall behind him and turned back to Lou embarrassed, "Oh. No. I, um, just…You're beautiful."

"I don't think I've ever known you to be at a loss for words."

Buck smiled, "I know a few other times it happened but they all involved you." Buck said as he stepped closer to where Lou was relaxing in the water.

"Are you coming in?"

Buck nodded and sat down to remove his clothes, "If you scoot forward I'll sit behind you."

"I hope that means you wash my hair again." Lou said her voice husky with desire

"Definitely." Buck slowly stepped in letting his feet and legs adjust to the temperature before lowering himself behind Lou and getting himself settled. He then slid his arms around her and pulled her back so she was leaning against him.

Lou shut her eyes and sighed softly as she felt Buck begin to slowly wash her arms and neck and stomach. She smiled when she felt him finally cup her breasts and begin to massage them, "mmm" she breathed.

"Lean forward and I'll scrub your back." Buck whispered into her ear.

A memory flashed before Lou's eyes. She felt herself tighten up and her breathing get think and hard. Her chest wasn't moving like it should. "Buck?" she pleaded softly her fingers grasping.

He gripped her hands and held her tightly, "Lou?" he asked concerned but could only watch as she slowly began to shake her head her eyes shut tight. She pulled herself into a ball as small as she was he couldn't grasp how impossibly small she had made herself just then. He wanted to wrap himself around her but knew that the smallest touch could make what she was experiencing worse. He felt his own eyes grow moist with tears as he watched her relive something bad, something that had hurt her, scarred her. What hurt him most was somehow he had caused this.

After what seemed a never-ending length of time but may have truly been only a few minutes he felt Lou begin breathing more normally. She stopped shaking and her grip on his hand lessened. "I'm gonna get out and then I'm gonna help you out. OK?"

Lou nodded, not yet trusting her voice. She opened her eyes to see Buck stepping from the tub and grabbing a towel and wrapping it quickly around his waist. He then grabbed a second towel and holding it in one hand reached his hands out to her so she could use him if she wanted to help her balance as she stepped out of the tub. He then slowly wrapped the towel around her and secured it in the back so he didn't touch her where she might not be comfortable with. Lou took a slow steadying breath and reached a hand out to Buck and laid it on his arm, "thank you." She mouthed but no sound came.

Buck nodded and led her over to the bench in front of the fire. "Do you want to talk?" He asked as he grabbed a blanket off the foot of the bed and laid it over Lou's shoulders.

"No. Not really but I need to."

"You don't have to tell me Lou."

Lou smiled sadly at him, "Yeah Buck. I do. I want to. I don't want secrets between us."

Buck nodded and sat down on the floor his back against the bed and waited quietly.

Lou took a few slow steadying breaths and then said, "Do you remember when Lambert put Kid in jail and I distracted him so you boys could rescue Kid?"

Buck nodded and fear began to creep up his spine.

"I got Lambert distracted by offering to scrub his back"

"Exactly what I said."

"Yeah and it just…"

"Lou," Buck started and fought to control his voice, "I know, I know Lambert beat you…bad…but did he…"

"No!" Lou said interrupting Buck, "I promise you. He didn't. I got away as he and his deputies were coming back but…" Lou took a slow breath and shut her eyes to control the rising panic, "Buck in my nightmares, I didn't get away in time. And sometimes, I almost wonder which is the truth what I dream or what I wrote myself so I wouldn't forget."

Buck sat afraid to move afraid to say anything.

"The only thing I can do though is remind myself, he's dead. I killed him and he ain't coming back."

Buck's head shot up at her words. He always thought Kid had shot Lambert and wondered what he'd missed. "You're safe Lou. I promise you."

"I know Buck. That's why I know I can tell you these things." Lou looked at Buck for a hard minute watching him watch her. "Buck I know I'm not a respectable girl, I'm not a virgin, I'm not a lot of things, but do you think I'm dirty? Used?"

"No." Buck stood and walked over to where Lou sat on the bench, "Can I?"

Lou nodded and Buck sat down next to her and placed his arm around her. Lou leaned into his side and let out a breath she hadn't realized she had been holding and felt a tear roll down her cheek. Buck laid his thumb on her cheek and wiped it gently away. "You are strong, a warrior. You aren't a girl; you're a woman. You're honorable and honest. You learn and grow and fight through. You have nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. Not with me. Not ever."

Lou wrapped her arms around Buck's waist and held on tightly as she felt her own confidence grow and become more sound. She took a breath and felt more herself. "Take out the girl stuff and that's kinda what I said about you isn't it?" Lou asked in an almost teasing voice

Buck leaned down and kissed the top of her head, "Then it makes sense how we feel about each other doesn't it."

Lou smiled and lifted her face to Buck. He leaned down and kissed her gently at first but when she didn't pull away or object he added pressure and then began to deepen the kiss. He slid his fingers into her hair and felt her sigh under his lips and he captured her mouth and slid his tongue into the warm cavern of hers. Breaking apart Buck looked at Lou and asked, "May I take you to bed?"

Lou nodded and said with a laugh, "I was beginning to wonder if you were ever going to ask?"


	14. Chapter 14

Buck and Lou rode hard all day, determined to get home in time for dinner. Finally, just as the sun was beginning to set the sky on fire with all of its beautiful colors the stopped on the ridge that looked down on the station.

"I remember the last time we stopped here to talk about what to do." Lou said and looked at Buck.

"I kept your secret."

"I don't want us to be a secret." Lou said as she watched her family milling about with the evening chores. "But, Buck, there is something I think…." Lou stopped as she searched for the right words.

Buck turned in the saddle and looked at Lou, "What do you need?"

"To talk to Kid before the others find out." Lou said watching Buck carefully.

Buck nodded, "That makes sense. He would be hurt if it happened any other way. Would you be ok if I spoke to Ike as well?"

Lou smiled and nodded, "He's your brother. He needs to know first too."

Buck reached over and touched Lou's elbow and let his hand slide down to grasp her hand where it rested on the pommel horn. "We'll talk to them tonight?" Seeing time passing by Buck added, "or maybe tomorrow."

Lou nodded, "And maybe we should slow down just a bit until the others have a chance to catch up."

Buck felt his chest tighten but nodded. Lou had her reasons and he had promised her he would never push her on things like this. "Ready?" He asked and smiled when with a kick and small yell she spurred her mount past him and down the ridge to the station.

"Riders Comin'" Jimmy yelled as he crossed the yard.

Rachel stepped out of the bunkhouse in time to see who was riding into the station, "TEASPOON!" She yelled, "IT'S BUCK AND LOU!"

Soon all the riders were running forward to gather around their missing friends and hear all about their adventure.

*I'll take your horses. * Ike said with a smile

"Thanks Ike." Buck said as he handed over the reins. As he let go of the reins Buck tapped his fingers onto his hip and then kicked his foot lightly in the dirt as he turned.

Ike gave him a funny look but didn't say a word. *Don't tell the story til I'm there. *

Lou laughed and handed him her reins, "Promise."

"C'mon you two." Teaspoon said and clapped his hand down on Lou's shoulder to steer her into the house.

"AHHHHH" Lou cried out and her face went white with the pain.

Buck turned quickly afraid and saw Teaspoon pull his hand away as though he'd been burned.

"Lou?" Teaspoon asked

Buck grabbed her good side and helped her straighten up as she used his strength to re-focus her own self. "She was shot last week." Buck said.

"Lou come with me." Rachel said and wrapped an arm around her smallest charge's waist.

"I'll explain about Yampa." Buck said looking at Lou and nodding at her to go with Rachel. Lou nodded back and smiled slightly and turned to follow Rachel back to her house as Buck and the others went to the bunk house.

Once in the bunkhouse Buck began to explain about Lou saving the young boy and how he had found her and their waiting a few days with the Yampa and then coming back. The others had many questions which Buck answered but no one ever suspected that anything other than the simple story Buck told had occurred.

Inside the house though another situation entirely was occurring.


	15. Chapter 15

"Lou head upstairs to the spare room at the front of the house. I'm going to get a few things and then I'll meet you up there. I want to look at that gunshot wound." Rachel said as they climbed the steps to her house.

Lou nodded and slowly climbed the stairs. It felt odd being back home. She felt like she wanted to tell Rachel she was fine and she didn't need her to look at her shoulder and at the same time she wanted to tell Rachel everything that had happened with Buck.

Lou walked into the room and stood by the window and watched the bunkhouse. They were all over there talking and once again she was over here, missing everything. It just wasn't fair.

"Lou." Rachel said as she walked into the room. "I'm going to need you to take off that filthy shirt so I can see what is most likely filthy skin underneath, so I can clean it."

Lou smiled, "Now you sound like Emma." Lou teased as she sat down on the bed and undid the buttons of her shirt and removed it while Rachel poured water from a pitcher into a basin and began to soap up a clean cloth and turn around.

"Louise" Rachel breathed harshly

Lou looked down and quickly placed her hands over her upper left breast, her face turning scarlet.

"What happened Lou?" Rachel said quietly as she knelt down in front of the girl.

"It's nothing Rachel. Just forget about it. Please."

"Lou. I need you to tell me or I have to go and tell Teaspoon."

Lou's eyes grew wide, "You can't"

"Lou, he's the Marshall. If you were attacked then…"

Lou smiled at that, "Rachel I promise the attack that happened to me never came anywhere near…." Lou looked down at her chest, "there"

"Then how exactly did you get a bite mark on your breast? A very recent bite mark I might add."

Lou shut her eyes, "please," she whispered, "don't make me tell you."

"I can't do that Louise."

"I promised Buck."

"Buck? What does Buck have to do with this?" Rachel asked getting up and sitting down on the bed beside Lou.

"Rachel, I …" Lou stopped then thought about how good it would feel to talk to her friend, her only female friend about everything. To be able to be truly honest about everything with another woman. "I promise I wasn't raped. Please can this be between just you and I? I promised Buck I wouldn't tell anyone just yet."

Rachel thought for a moment, she trusted that Buck would rather take his own life than hurt Lou or any of the riders and Lou wasn't likely to lie. She decided to take the chance, "All right."

Lou began telling Rachel the whole story of what happened with the Yampa. How Buck claimed he was her husband. How they had kissed, how he'd held her. How he'd made her fell safe. How she was able to talk with him about things she had never shared with anyone before. How eventually she had asked him to make love to her and how she learned that this was something that could be enjoyable and pleasurable for the first time.

Rachel smiled as she listened and realized that her young friend was truly in love. "Why did you promise Buck not to talk about it?" Rachel asked when Lou talked herself out.

"We promised each other that we would only talk to Ike and Kid. We felt it wouldn't be right to have the others know before them and we needed to do right by them."

Rachel smiled at that, "I know I told you before that you don't owe Kid anything but Lou, you are giving him respect and showing him, your maturity and honor and I think we owe that to everyone who is in our lives. I'm real proud of you."

Lou smiled, "So you'll keep our secret?"

"I promise. But for now, why don't I take a look at that shoulder." Rachel said and quickly cleaned and bandaged Lou's shoulder. Then the two headed over to the bunkhouse for dinner with the boys.


	16. Chapter 16

After dinner the boys all started to get settled down for the night. Buck stood by his bunk for a moment and then after rubbing his knuckles restlessly against his cheek shrugged and headed out the door.

"What's eating him?" Jimmy asked

"He was quiet all through dinner." Kid replied

"Buck's always quiet. He's probably just sorting through stuff. Ya know how he is." Cody answered as he walked over to his bunk. "Lou anything bad happen while you were gone?"

"Aside from getting shot?" Lou asked to a general chuckle from the boys, "no."

"See. It's just Buck being Buck." Cody said

Ike rolled his eyes and shook his head then laid down on his bunk and crossed his arms.

Before long the others had climbed into their bunks as well.

*Every time* Ike sighed and stood up and slipped on his boots.

Jimmy laughed, "Ike you're like a clock."

Ike headed out the door and walked towards the outhouse. He then walked behind the outhouse and kept going till he reached a clearing where there was a small fire waiting .

*What is with Nun sign? *

"I need to talk to you but I don't want anyone else to know anything about it." Buck said quietly

*Be glad I remember. *

"Like you'd forget. It's how we survived all those detentions. "

Ike smiled remembering. * What's wrong? *

"Promise me you won't tell anyone. None of the boys. Not even Teaspoon." Ike put his hand on his heart. "I'm serious Ike. This is serious." Buck said and Ike reached over and tapped Buck's palm and then showed his own palm where they had matching scars.

Buck nodded then took a long slow steadying breath. "I didn't tell you everything that happened with the Yampa. Lou asked me not to but I told her I couldn't keep something like this from you and she understood."

*Is Lou ok? Did they hurt her? *

Buck smiled at how Ike immediately wanted to protect Lou. Just as he had.

"She's fine. It's just that…" Buck paused and looked down, "When I got there…."

*Just say it Buck. *

"I told them Lou was my wife."

Ike's eyes got huge at Buck's last word. His hands went up as though he were trying to stop Buck. *What? *

Buck shook his head and began to explain the whole story. Ike was a good audience reacting shocked, scared and impressed at all the best parts. When Buck was done Ike looked at him and said, *so? Now what?*

"I don't know. She wants to talk to Kid."

*But you are in love with her.*

"I never said that."

*Not in words. But you are. It's why you had to tell me. It's why you kissed her. It's why you …well did everything you did since you found her. You can't lie to me. *

Buck hung his head, "What if now that we're back…"

*I watched the two of you since you've been back. I saw you two at dinner.* Buck smiled as he remembered how he'd nearly dropped the plate of biscuits when their fingers had touched.

*She watches you too.*

"Thank you Ike."

*Say it. You'll feel better. *

"I'm not telling you before I tell her." Buck said with a laugh and butted his shoulder into Ike. The two laughed as they headed back to the bunkhouse. No one thought it odd that Ike came back with Buck.


	17. Chapter 17

The next morning Buck woke early as was his custom, he was just about to get out of his bunk when he heard a sound to his right and turned. He watched Lou jump out of her bunk and slip into her boots and head out the door. He smiled at how simply and easily she moved even with a bad shoulder. Silently, Buck got up and dressed and headed out to the porch where he paused to wrap himself tightly in his coat before heading to the barn to start his chores.

Lou was just coming back from the outhouse when she saw Buck stepping off the porch and heading in the opposite direction. Smiling, she followed Buck quietly into the barn. "Why are you up this early?" She asked coming up behind him.

"I'm always the first one up and working." Buck said as he turned and looked at Lou. She smiled at him and stepped closer. Buck held a hand out to her and she took it and stepped into his embrace. Buck laid his cheek down on her head, "I missed you last night" he said softly.

Lou wrapped her arms around Buck and lifted her face to his. "I missed you too but I suspect everyone would have noticed if you climbed into my bunk."

Buck laughed and kissed her lightly. "Especially Kid."

"I'm gonna talk to him today." Lou said and looked down.

"You don't have to if you don't want to."

"I don't want to hurt him." Lou said and rested her head against Buck's chest, "I do want to move forward though and I do want to stop needing to hide …."

"I know." Buck said and drew a finger down her cheek. Lou shivered slightly at his touch. "It's hard not looking at you or touching you."

"You make it seem easy."

Buck kissed Lou's forehead and tipped her face to his and trailed kisses down the side of her face to her lips. "It's not. I promise you." Buck deepened the kiss then and let his fingers slide into her hair and massage her scalp gently. He felt her push into him and stepped back so he was sitting on a hay bale and pulled Lou between his legs.

"God, I miss your hands on me Buck." Lou said against his cheek.

Buck smiled and slid his hand down the back of her shirt and up under the hem rubbing her long john fabric. He felt Lou begin to hum under his touch so he turned her so she was facing away from him and began kissing her neck while his hands began roaming over the soft cotton covering her front. He found her nipples like to pebbles and began to roll them between his fingers. Lou groaned and leaned her head back against Buck giving him greater access. Buck found the buttons on her long john top and slipped one hand in side and began to squeeze and rub her breast.

Lou turned and grabbed Buck's face and kissed him desperately. Needing to be in control. She thrust her tongue into his mouth as she pulled his shirt up from his waist band. She dragged her hands across his chest, finally breaking the kiss and pulling his head down to her chest.

Buck pulled her shirt up so he could see her pert little breast and wrapped his lips around the nipple. He sucked and nipped at it while Lou held the back of his head to her pushing him closer begging him to take more of her with each suck. A squeak escaped Lou's lips as Buck nipped down on her nipple and he pulled back to look at her only to see her smiling and he smiled back.

"Ummm, Maybe we should stop for now." Lou gasped embarrassed to realize she was wet between her legs just from the little they had done.

"Probably a good idea." Buck said as he shifted slightly.

Lou looked down at Buck's obvious enjoyment and smiled. "Don't want you going back to the bunkhouse like that. Boys might talk."

Buck blushed, "I could just tell them I was thinking about you." He added teasingly

Lou laughed lightly and hit him playfully on the arm. "Behave."

"You started it." Buck said and pulled her in for another kiss. "You should get back before anyone notices how long you been gone."

Lou nodded and headed for the barn door. Just before she stepped out she turned and said, "Buck?"

"Hmm?"

"I…"

Buck raised an eyebrow

"Never mind Buck." Lou bit her lip embarrassed at what she had almost said.

Neither noticed Kid stepping back into the bunkhouse as Lou turned and walked out of the barn.


	18. Chapter 18

Buck finished his chores and stepped into the yard in time to see Rachel crossing with her arms laden. "Here. Let me help."

"Thanks Buck" Rachel said and handed him two large platters of food.

"What is all this?"

"I wanna bring some extra over now so that way if the snow comes early we're not running back and forth in bad weather."

Buck looked up and let out a breath. "I think we've got til after lunch."

"Teaspoon said the same but I'm not going to deal with a bunch of you boys whining about being sick." Rachel said teasingly.

Buck smiled and pushed the door open and held it for Rachel to enter. Cody and Jimmy were already at the table and Kid and Lou were just finishing up with their morning chores and followed Buck and Rachel in. A moment later the door opened again andNoah, Ike and Teaspoon entered as well.

"All right." Teaspoon said as he sat down, "Since we're all here. I got a few things to say this morning."

Everyone groaned as they began loading their plates.

"Now we all know a storm is coming. So do what you need to do, get everything lashed down best you can and then get inside fast as you can. My knee's throbbing something fierce which tells me we're gonna see a good amount of snow before this storm is done with us."

"I need to check the traps." Kid said biscuit in hand "but after that I can help with anything else. I already took care of my chores."

"I got some stuff you can do if you're looking." Cody said

"Hit him for me Ike." Teaspoon said, but smiled

Ike shoved Cody into Jimmy who lost his forkful of eggs. Jimmy smacked Cody on the head and Rachel turned and shouted "enough!" While holding a kettle full of hot coffee over both boys.

Lou sitting across from Buck took the distraction to lay her boot on top of Buck's and press down. He looked up and saw her look at Ike. Buck nodded and looked at Kid. Lou shook her head no. Buck raised an eyebrow and Lou looked out the window and then back at Kid. Buck smiled at how she had explained her idea to him so easily. Buck nodded and lifted her foot with his. Lou smiled as she put a biscuit into her mouth.

"All right all of you." Teaspoon said, "Finish up and head out."

Buck stood and brought Rachel his plate then headed out the door, Ike followed and the two headed back to the barn to get ropes to tie down anything that could get blown off.

Lou stepped onto the porch watching them and fastened her coat when she heard the door behind her. She turned and saw Kid. "Hey." She said

"Wanna walk the line with me?"

"Sure." Lou said thinking this was the perfect excuse to talk to him.

As they walked silently to the end of the trap line they got to a clearing and Kid said, "Lou, could we talk for a minute?"

"I think that'd be good Kid." She turned and looked at him and bit her lower lip.

"I'm sorry. About before." Kid started. "I shouldn't have come at you like I did. I just get … well … worried about ya." Kid stepped closer to her as the wind picked up. "I saw that package and figured it must be another dress and I know you ain't had the best luck on your own when you worn a dress and …"

"You were jealous." Lou supplied

"No." Kid answered then thought, "Well, maybe, yes. But, I was worried. Also I like how you look in a dress." Kid stepped closer and placed his hands on Lou's arms, "I wanted to see how pretty you were in your new dress."

"You lost that right Kid." Lou said simply

"I love you Lou." Kid said softly and pulled her to him and lowered his head to hers and kissed her pleadingly.

Lou's hands went up onto Kid's chest and pushed him away. "You love an idea of me but it ain't me Kid. It's who you want me to become. Not who I am."

"No it is you, Lou." Kid said and kissed her again more desperately this time.

"No it ain't." Lou said as she pushed Kid away and turned and walked quickly from him. Once she knew he couldn't see her any longer she let the hot tears run down her cheeks as she ran to Rachel's back door.

She knocked once but then just let herself in. "Rachel?" she called

"Lou? Is that you?" she heard from upstairs and Lou just sank into a chair at the kitchen table and rested her head on the wooden table top.

"Lou? You, all right?" Rachel asked as she came into the kitchen and saw Lou slumped over at the table.

"nuh" Lou mumbeled

"I'm gonna need you to lift your head up so I can understand you." Rachel said

Lou lifted her head and Rachel immediately saw the red swollen eyes and the tear streaks going down her face. "Oh Louise!" Rachel said and wrapped her arms around the young woman. "C'mon, let's get you warmed up and we can figure out what happened." Rachel led Lou back up to the front bedroom and pulled a blanket from the end of the bed and wrapped it around her shoulders.

Lou had gotten herself under control at this point and was now feeling silly for becoming so emotional. "Rachel I'm sorry. I shouldn't have made all this fuss. It was nothing."

"What was nothing Lou?"

"Kid kissed me." Lou said looking down at her hands embarrassed

"Did you want him to?"

"No. That's why I got so upset." Lou said. "It was nothing though. He was just trying to convince me we should still be together and apologize for the fight and he kissed me. That's all."

"Why did it make you cry if it was so little?" Rachel asked pushing her luck

"Because it felt wrong. Because I don't think of him like that. Because I don't want to betray Buck." Lou said as she stood and stepped over to look out the window.

"Are you and Kid gonna be ok?"

"Eventually. It ain't gonna be easy for a bit but he'll figure it out." Lou swallowed hard and then turned, "Rachel, could I borrow one of these blankets so Buck and I can talk privately in the loft for a bit."

"Of course." Rachel said and laid a hand on Lou's shoulder.

"If you want, if it'd be easier. You can come here to talk." Rachel added and looked around, "But keep the door open just so there's no surprises."

Lou blushed and said, "Thanks Rachel." Then taking a few last steadying breaths Lou folded the blanket in half to form a triangle and wrapped it around her shoulders and said, "Can I come talk more later?"

"Always Louise."

Lou nodded and headed out to the yard making sure to catch Buck's eye as she went from Rachel's house to the barn.


	19. Chapter 19

Buck handed Ike his rope and tapped his chest with 1 finger. Ike nodded smiling but as he saw Buck run-off he shook his head, _I hope they spill the beans soon_ he thought.

Buck stepped into the barn and let his eyes adjust to the dark as he looked around. Not seeing or hearing Lou anywhere he figured there was one place she'd likely be if she wanted to talk alone, so he climbed up into the hayloft. "Lou?" he whispered as his head appeared at the top of the ladder.

"I'm over here." Lou said from near the wall.

"Give me a minute." Buck said as he climbed back down the ladder grabbed a few things and climbed back up. Once he reappeared he stopped near the middle of the loft and hit a nail into a support beam and then hung a lantern from the nail. Then he pulled a match from his pocket, lit it and lit the lantern. "There, now I can see you and we may not die when we go to leave." Buck teased.

Lou half smiled and walked over to Buck and wrapped her arms around him. "I'm glad you understood me when I came in here. I needed to talk to you alone and I don't want to put this off."

Buck took Lou's hand and brought her a few feet away to a pile of soft hay and sat down, pulling Lou down with him. "What is it?"

Lou took the blanket from around her shoulders and laid over the two of them so they were cocooned. "I, I went with Kid down the trap line." Buck nodded but didn't say anything, so Lou continued, "He apologized for the fight. He" Lou paused and looked towards the lantern, "well I, I mean I didn't….cause he."

Buck wrapped his hands over Lou's which were anxiously pulling at the ticking of the quilt. "Lou, it's just me, you don't have to be nervous."

Lou nodded

"Why?" Lou didn't speak but looked at Buck her eyes wide, "Are you afraid of me? That I'll do something?" Buck felt his heart breaking, "I promise I would never hurt you."

Lou smiled at that and reached up and cupped his cheek, "I know that. I'm afraid I may hurt you when I tell you what happened though." She said hoarsely trying to control her emotions.

Buck breathed a bit easier, "Please just say it. Whatever it is, it's worse by drawing it out."

Lou nodded but then pushed back the blanket and stood and stepped away. "Kid kissed me. I pushed him away but he kissed me a second time. He didn't understand what I was telling him. I never got to say it straight out cause he kept talking and every time I tried he…" Lou ran her hands through her hair.

Buck didn't move but asked very quietly, "Did he hurt you?"

"No Buck. Kid ain't like that." Lou turned and kneeled next to Buck, "He just has this idea in his head that me and him are gonna be together and he's holdin' tight to it. He's doing whatever he can think of to keep him and me together." Lou said finally.

Buck held out his arms and Lou slid into them. He held her close, "Don't scare me anymore ok. First I thought you were going to say you changed your mind and were going back with Kid and then…well…I can't even say it."

Lou laughed a half-laugh, "I'm glad you didn't see me when I first got to Rachel's then."

"Why?"

"I was scared, and angry and embarrassed and well nearly every other thing you can feel all at the same time. I'd been crying while I made my way to her place and then once I got there I felt dumb for it and…" Lou let off and shook her head

"I'm just glad you came home."

"You're here." Lou said and ran her fingers through the ends of Buck's hair. "Buck?"

"Hmm?"

"Can I kiss you?"

"Why would you ask?"

"Well you might feel different after Kid just kissed me."

"If you had gone up and kissed him, then yeah I'd probably feel different. But this is still just us." Buck said and lowered his head and gently captured her lips. He felt Lou relax in his arms until he had all of her weight.

Lou slipped her tongue out and licked Bucks lips and felt him open up for her. She sighed as she slid her tongue into his mouth as he did the same to her. Lou sucked briefly on Buck's tongue and then pulled back to look at him, "That just feels right."

Buck laughed and kissed her again and then said, "Good well once everyone knows we won't have to be so secretive."

"I still need to talk to Kid." Lou said

"I know."

"But maybe we can be just a little bit better of friends around the others. So, it's maybe less shocking when we tell them?"

"You're in charge." Buck said as he stood and took her hand.

"In that case leave the lantern, and we can sneak back here whenever we want."


	20. Chapter 20

Lou laughed as she stepped out of the barn into the falling snow. She turned back and looked into the barn and called something but it couldn't be heard over at the bunkhouse where Kid was tying a guide line. He watched Lou and then saw Buck step out after her and lift his head up to the snow and then smile at Lou. They had become close while they were with the Indians Kid realized.

Lou ran over to where Noah and Jimmy were busy tying the gates closed so none of the animals escaped and Buck headed over to Ike and Cody to make sure that the windmill was fully secure this time. Kid ran his guide lines between all the major buildings they might need to get to during the storm and then headed over to help Cody, Ike and Buck when they saw Teaspoon waving at them from Rachel's porch.

In a few moments all seven riders were inside Rachel's house shivering with cold, dripping with snow and wrapping their hands around hot mugs of cider.

"Grab a seat boys." Teaspoon said as they all sat down around the fireplace.

"Why are we in here?" Cody asked as Rachel handed him a blanket.

"Quite simple really. Those are what you might call insidious little flakes. They are going to keep falling for hours, maybe days," Teaspoon glanced out the window then back to his riders, "We're less likely to come to blows if we've got the ability to move around some and get a little space from each other now and again. It's not much mind but this is bigger than the bunkhouse and it'll be a sure sight easier on Rachel as well." He said as he reached out a laid a hand on Rachel's arm.

Rachel looked around at her riders and said, "Lou, you'll sleep in the back bedroom with me. Teaspoon you can have the sickroom to yourself. The rest of you can pair off. Two to a bedroom upstairs and two of you down here."

Buck and Ike looked at each other and nodded and Buck said, "Ike and I will sleep down here. You four can have the beds."

"Thanks Buck!" said Cody happily.

"Good now that's out of the way. Go and entertain yourselves quietly for a few hours until Rachel needs you." Teaspoon said with a wink.

The riders all laughed but happily began to disperse. Jimmy and Noah got the checkers set out, Cody and Kid both found books and began reading by the fire and Ike grabbed his pencil and paper and began drawing. Buck walked over and stood by Ike and looked at what he was doing and smiled.

"You're definitely better at trees then people."

*I'm best at horses. * Ike said with a grin and drew a sad looking horse with four uneven wobbly legs and a spiky mane and too long tail. * see best one yet. *

"You should send that down to the nuns." Buck teased

*Then they'd know who carved up the floor in the dorm room. *

Buck laughed outright at the memory.

"Can anyone join?" Lou asked stepping over

*Buck doesn't appreciate my horse. *

Lou looked down at the paper and smiled and then said, "He doesn't have your eye for beauty."

Ike smiled and stood up looking at Buck and said *I think we should fight for her. *

"Not a chance" Lou replied and placed a hand on Ike's chest and pushed him lightly back into his seat, smiling the whole time.

Ike suddenly rubbed his nose and dragged his fingers down over his upper lip.

Buck coughed and turned away and looked in Kid's direction and saw that though he was holding a book he wasn't reading. He turned back, "Lou," Buck whispered "I think this might be a good time to talk to Kid."

Lou shifted so she could see Kid's reflection in the window and was surprised to see he was staring at her. She shut her eyes and nodded. "Thanks." She laid a hand on Buck's arm and squeezed lightly before turning and walking over to his chair.

"Kid?"

"Oh. Um. Hey Lou." Kid said seeming surprised that she was standing in front of him talking.

"Will you talk with me on the porch for a minute?"

Kid dropped his head and nodded. He knew he had whatever it was coming and he deserved it.

Silently the two threaded through the others made it outside to the porch and sat down on the swing.

"Lou, I"

"Kid. Stop." Lou interrupted, "Last time I let you talk. This time I want you to listen please."

Kid nodded.

"You will always be special to me. You showed me that not all men are bad and that it was safe to trust. But no matter how much I love you, I'm not in love with you and the thing is I never would have known that was a thing until I actually fell in love with someone."

"You were trying to tell me this before."

"Yeah."

"See something happened when Buck and I were at Yampa. Something changed. I changed. I didn't go looking for it. Buck didn't either so don't go blaming him, it's just… we…well we fit and it works."

"That's why you two are always sneaking off."

"Yeah, I guess."

"I thought you were mine."

"I was never something you could own Kid. That was one of the problems we had. You wanted to claim me and I want to be free."

"I love you Lou."

"I think you love the idea of what I could be. Not who I am right now. You like the idea of a wife who wears dresses and stays home and raises babies. Kid that ain't me, least not now, maybe someday, who knows. Right now though, I ride hard, shoot straight, and fight with the boys and Buck loves those things about me, he doesn't want me to change."

Kid looked down at the snow slowly gathering in the flowerbed. "I'll always love you Lou."

"I'll always love you Kid. Just not the way you want me to."

Kid nodded and stood and headed back into the house, "Thank you."

"For what?"

"Telling me yourself. It woulda really hurt if …."

"I would never do that to you Kid." Lou said and squeezed his hand and Kid squeezed back.

Kid placed his hand on the door then looked back, "You comin' in?"

"In a minute. I like watchin' the snow."


	21. Chapter 21

Kid stepped back inside and walked back to where he'd left his book. He picked it up and then looked over his shoulder at Buck. He let out a breath and then put the book back down and walked over to Buck. "Hey."

"Hey Kid." Buck said with a small nod

"I wanted to say I'm sorry about before."

Buck looked curiously at Kid, "What do you mean?"

"With Lou, didn't she tell you?" Kid asked suddenly nervous.

"She did but why are you apologizing to me. She's the one you kissed. You should apologize to her." Buck said simply

"She told me the two of you…." Kid moved his hand in the air a little helplessly.

"Yeah Kid we are together. Lou can speak for herself though and she's the one you need to talk to about what happened between you."

"You don't want to defend her?" Kid asked confused

"She told me everything. She said she was ok and she'd handle it. We both know you and know what type of person you are. There's no reason for me to step in, this is between you and Lou." Buck said and laid a hand on Kid's shoulder. "She's probably waiting for you."

Kid looked over to the door and then around the room and realized Lou was still outside. "How?" He shook his head and walked to the door. He looked once more at Buck confused before stepping back outside.

"Forget something Kid?" Lou asked when the door opened.

"I shouldn't have tried to kiss you like I did."

"No, you shouldn't have but I know you thought it would help."

Kid nodded, "You would always pull away at first in the past and then when I'd push you'd enjoy it." Stepping over and leaning against the rail.

"I know." Lou said. "I'm not mad Kid. I was upset at first, even embarrassed and scared a little. But not mad."

"I never meant to scare you Lou."

Lou smiled and nodded, "Just Kid remember, not all women are gonna like it if you keep kissing them if they pull away once."

Kid nodded and looked down at his boots, "point taken."

"You're gonna…." Lou started but was interrupted by the door opening,

"Hey would you two get in here. Rachel won't put dinner on the table until you get inside and I'm starving." Cody said teasingly.

"Cody I think you are just one big stomach." Kid teased back as he stepped over to the door.

"Stomach and mouth" added Lou as she shoved Kid from behind and made him bump Cody."

Hours later after everyone had eaten, the dishes were done and everyone had gone to their assigned beds. Lou snuck out of her and Rachel's room and down to the front parlor where Buck and Ike were sleeping. She stood silently in the window watching the snow falling. It was already up to the ledge.

Lou sensed before she heard or even felt Buck as he stepped up behind her. He slid his arms around her waist and pulled her back fully against his front. Lou nestled her head into his chest and sighed. "I can't help but think of Yampa." She whispered.

"Golden Feather, Aspen and the others are fine." Buck said softly in her ear.

Lou shivered as his warm breath brushed over her. She closed her eyes and imagined them all. "I know. I miss being there. Is that silly?"

"No." Buck said and turned her in his arms and looked down into her warm brown eyes. He kissed her softly passion slowly radiating from both of them.

"I miss this too." Lou whispered as they broke for air. Buck put his finger over her lips and took her hand.

He led her to the fireplace where there was still a small fire glowing. He looked over at Ike who was asleep on his side on the sofa with his back to them. "Shhh." Buck said and picked up his pillow and blankets and brought them over to Lou.

"It's not exactly the same."

"But it's close." Lou finished for Buck as she followed his train of thought and helped him lay the blankets down on the floor in front of the fireplace.

Buck laid down on his side and Lou laid next to him curled into him. She wrapped Buck's arm around her and then pulled the blanket's over the two of them. Buck laid his lips on Lou's neck and kissed her gently and then shut his eyes, greatful to be able to sleep with Lou in his arms tonight.

Lou shifted her backside against him and Buck smiled wondering if she realized what she was doing. Lou wiggled again and he felt himself start to respond. "Lou" he whispered

"hmm" she whispered back

"lay still"

"no" she said and took his hand and slid it to find the gap where her long john top and her long john bottom met.

Lou wiggled her bottom against him again and pushed his hand onto her skin under the waist band of her long john bottoms.

"Ike." Buck hissed in her ear

"is asleep"

Buck tilted his head back and looked and Ike was still facing the wrong way and still lightly snoring. Buck looked down at Lou as she wiggled up against his growing desire again and felt his hand clutch at her skin. When his hand relaxed his fingers were facing down and slowly moving lower.


	22. Chapter 22

Buck slowly slid his fingers down to find Lou already ready for him. "Hmmm" he whispered in her ear as he slowly slid one finger inside her and crooked it slightly and found the spot that made her back arch.

Lou shut her eyes as Buck's finger began to gently and slowly tease her. She moved her backside against his growing desire enjoying the feel if him behind her, and knowing his desire was mounting as much as hers was. She felt Buck's other hand slid down through the neck opening of her shirt and start massaging her breast until her nipple was hard and taut.

"mmmm" she moaned quietly and changed her rthyhm on Buck.

"Lou." Buck whispered and pulled his hand out from her top she felt him fumbling around at his pants for a moment and smiled. She felt powerful knowing she had made him so turned on he was uncomfortable.

She felt her arm being pulled gently behind her and she had ahold of Buck's bare manhood. Lou smiled and began slidding her hand up and down it's length while Buck matched her timing sliding his now two fingers in and out of her. Lou felt a small amount of wetness start to appear on her fingers and knew he was getting closer as he continued to get slicker.

Lou rolled over onto her other side and pulled the blankets over her head placed her mouth on Buck's engorged member and licked starting at the top and then slowly down to the shaft. She did this all the way around and then took the whole thing into her mouth and sucked down on him as hard as she could and she felt his hands sink into her hair forcing her head down. She swirled her tongue around him from base to tip and back again all while keeping him in her mouth. She felt his thighs tighten suddenly and Buck's nails dug into her scalp as he released himself into her mouth. Lou kept him in her mouth even after he had relaxed his hold on her head.

"Good?" she whispered to Buck as she peaked out from under the covers

"Your turn." Was his only reply as he laid Lou down on her back and pulled the blanket up over himself and her. He lifted her shirt and slid his head under her long john top and immediately found her hard nipple and began to tease it with his tongue and teeth. His fingers slid deep into Lou and continued the rhthym they had been doing before. His free hand began to stroke her at the juncture of her legs until he felt her begin to tighten and arch her back and then just at the last he pushed three fingers in hard and fast and clamped his mouth over hers so she didn't make a sound as she finished.

Lou lay there under Buck shaking with the power of her release. "Can you sleep now?" he whispered and smiled when she only nodded.

Buck fixed both of their clothing and then wrapped himself around Lou and held her tight against him as they slept.

Buck woke to a foot in the back. He started to turn but realized he had a handful of Lou so he turned his head instead. "Ike?"

*Send Lou to bed before anyone else wakes up.*

"Sorry" Buck said quietly

*It's gotta be hard being in love and not being able to be together. *

"Yeah." Buck said shifting so he could make sure Lou was covered fully before he got out from under the covers. "She came down to talk last night and…"

*I get it.* Ike said with a shrug *The others though….*

"Yeah if they catch us it'll be a thing." Buck looked around and said, "Can you give us a minute."

*I'm gone. * Ike said and headed for the kitchen

"Lou?" Buck whispered and then kissed her

"hmmm?" Lou said still asleep.

"The others'll be up soon. Go back to Rachel's room."

"Warm here." Lou mumbled

"Me too but do you want everyone to know you slept on the floor with me last night?"

Lou reached over and hit Buck in the chest eyes still closed, "Your fault."

"My fault. You're the one who kept wiggling and put my hand there." Buck teased quietly.

"Your fault."

Buck smiled, "fine it can be my fault if you'll go upstairs right now."

Lou stood and rubbed her eyes and then trudged half-asleep up to Rachel's room.

"And where were you all night?" Rachel asked

"Oh hell." Lou said and sunk down on the bed

"Lou." Rachel scolded lightly

"I went downstairs in the middle of the night and talked to Buck and we fell asleep."

Rachel smiled, "I'd ask if that were all but with Ike right there you'd be hard pressed to do anything else."

Lou placed her hands over her face and nodded, "It's still snowing Rachel. Can we please sleep in?"

"A little yes. But the animals do still need tending to this morning."

"Thank you." Lou said laying down and pulling the blanket over her head.


	23. Chapter 23

Late morning had the riders caring for the animals and clearing paths around the station. Rachel called them all in at noon for a large lunch and a chance to rest. They were all as hot and sweaty as if it had been the middle of summer from the back breaking work of moving the heavy snow.

After lunch though the restlessness settled in and all 7 riders plus Teaspoon and Rachel were outside having a snowball fight. Cody realizing he was out of snowballs but about to get them rained down upon himself decided to change the game and tackled Noah in a large pile of snow just before he threw a snowball.

Jimmy and Kid immediately jumped into the melee and rolled around like puppies in a pile. Ike looked over at Buck and said * They're gonna be sore.*

Buck laughed and said, "So are you" and chased Ike around the pile. Ike grabbed Lou and used her to dodge Buck. Lou twisted to the left and Buck reached for Ike's right side and together they got Ike down and onto the pile.

*Ganging up on me. I see. * Ike teased as he took a handful of snow and threw it into Buck's face. Buck shoved snow back into Ike's and for good measure Lou's. Not to be outdone Lou managed to stuff snow into Buck and Cody's mouths at the same time.

"Wait" Jimmy called out laughing, "Lou wins! She got Cody to be quiet."

"Hey!" Cody yelled after he finished spitting out snow.

Everyone laughed and trooped up to the house. Teaspoon looked at Rachel and said, "Well, they'll all sleep well tonight." Rachel laughed and shook her head at the mass of snow covered wet riders she had standing on her porch.

For the next several weeks runs were slow and there weren't any double runs so Buck and Lou didn't get much time alone together. They got in the habit of sitting across from each other at meals so they could watch the other and tap the others foot to signal things. They also tried to sneak off to the loft or barn whenever possible but there was always someone looking for one of them or just coming into the barn to check a horse or do a chore.

Before they knew it, it was nearly Christmas and Rachel had them stringing popcorn and cranberries and decorating the bunkhouse and her place. Even the horses got some Christmas cheer, with garlands hung just out of their reach but in the barn and stables.

One afternoon, Lou walked over to Rachel's house with two packages under her arm. She knocked and waited nervously. She didn't want anyone to see her, finally she just opened the door and called out, "Rachel? Is it ok if I come in? It's me Lou."

"Come on in Lou. I'll be right down." Rachel called from upstairs.

Lou put up her coat and sat down on the sofa and looked at the fireplace, an embarrassed smile slid over her face as she remembered the night of the storm and she tented her fingers in front of her lips.

"What brings you over Lou?" Rachel asked as she turned at the end of the stairs.

"I wanted to ask you for some help with a project."

"Of course what is it?"

"Well it's actually 2 things. The first one is this." Lou took the smaller package and handed it to Rachel who carefully opened the brown paper wrapping. Inside she found a man's shirt a soft blue cotton band collared shirt. "I take it this is the shirt that caused the problem with Kid?"

"Yeah."

"So what are you thinking?"

"I want to give it to Buck but, I want to change it somehow. Make it clear it's his, like it had never been for Kid."

"That's a tall order. Any thoughts?" Rachel asked while she smoothed the shirt carefully over her lap.

"I was thinking where it's got that seam along the shoulders maybe I could add something there. Since Buck is always wearing that vest, no one would see it but he would know."

"Why would you want to add something that no one is going to see?" Rachel asked curiosly.

Lou looked down at the bundle next to her and ran her hands over it lovingly. She fought to find the right words. "Buck is private and there are things about him that everyone knows just by looking at him. At the same time though, he doesn't like to stand out, to stick it in people's faces or to invite questions." Lou unconsciously squeezed the bundle.

Rachel nodded but didn't say anything.

"When we were at Yampa," Lou paused thinking back "Aspen taught me how to bead. It's hard and it's detailed and it takes a long time but it makes beautiful images." Lou carefully unwrapped her bundle and pulled out the dress that she and Aspen had been working on.

Rachel gasped lightly at the sight, "Louise, you did this?"

Lou nodded, "Aspen taught me and helped me create the pattern and now, well I need to finish. She even sent me beads and needles so I could keep working on it."

Rachel lifted up the dress carefully and admired the fine stitching and carefully sewn beads. "It's beautiful." She said as she felt her heart break for this young woman who always had to hide pieces of herself. "You want to do something like this for Buck's shirt?"

"Do you think I could?"

"Of course." Rachel said smiling, "and I think you're right having it so it can be hidden is a good idea. He'd probably like that." Rachel looked around for a moment and then said, "You can keep everything in the front room upstairs and then whenever you can get away just let yourself in and make yourself at home."


	24. Chapter 24

Rachel went around to each of the boys in turn and had them pick a name out of a hat and that was who they would get a Christmas present for. What she didn't tell Lou and Buck was that when she had them pick there was only the others name in the bag. She wanted to make certain that they got each other and that no one thought it seemed funny that they bought each other presents, as they didn't seem ready to tell everyone about their relationship yet.

Rachel smiled when she saw she had gotten Kid as her surprise gift recipient. She knew exactly what she wanted to get him and it was easy enough to pick up when she went to Tompkins store for supplies. She laughed as she watched the others sneaking around town trying to find presents, buy them, bring them home and wrap them without anyone else seeing. Only Ike came over to her and asked if he could hide Cody's present in her place. He said he'd tried to put it in his trunk but Cody had been snooping and he was afraid as soon as he went on a run Cody would go through his stuff. Rachel gave him free access to the house and had a good time watching Ike run around testing out different possible hiding places before finally deciding on underneath the pile of mending in Rachel's bedroom.

Lou started coming over first thing in the morning and staying nearly all day working on Buck's shirt up in the front room. She wouldn't let Rachel see what she was doing, but it didn't sound fun by the plethora of curses that emanated out of the door. Finally, on December 23rd Lou called out, "Rachel can you come look at this please?"

Ecstatic Rachel rushed up the stairs and into the front room, "Is it done?"

"I hope so. I don't think I have any fingertips left." Lou teased and held up the blue shirt showing off the back.

Rachel's hands went immediately to her mouth, "Louise! It's breathtaking!" Rachel reached out a hand and gently traced the design running along the seam just below the shoulders.

"Do you think he'll like it?" Lou asked nervously

"How could he not?" Rachel said as she admired the craftsmanship.

Christmas morning dawned cold but sunny. The riders all climbed out of their bunks and looked at the tree that Teaspoon had brought in the day before and they had spent all day decorating. "That's a lot of presents." Cody said breaking the silence.

"More than if we got just one each." Noah added

*Where did they all come from?* Ike asked just as Teaspoon walked in.

"Well lookie here. Looks like Santy Claus has come." Teaspoon said as Rachel peaked around him and laughed her arm sliding around his waist.

"You must have been good this year." She teased the riders as she stepped into the room.

"Some of us were" Jimmy said and tossed his pillow at Cody

"Speak for yourself." Cody said laughing.

"All right. All right" Teaspoon said laughing "Presents now and then we can go over and have a nice big breakfast."

"All right!" Cody said and his stomach immediately grumbled.

Everyone laughed as they gathered around the table. Teaspoon and Rachel handed out the gifts. It became a game to figure who had gotten what and why. Kid had received a set of splint boots for Katy and everyone laughed at how perfect it was that Kid's present was for his horse, though no one guessed it was from Rachel. Jimmy got Noah silver polish and Noah got Ike a sketch book and a dozen pencils. Ike's gift had finally come out of hiding and Cody received a knit cap that Ike proudly stated he made himself. Cody got Jimmy 5 boxes of bullets and some gun oil and Teaspoon through a pillow at Cody. Kid got Teaspoon a white ball, a book called the Cambridge Rules to Football, and everyone both groaned and laughed at the same time. Teaspoon got Rachel a small cameo, which she pinned on right away. Somehow, nobody noticed that Buck and Lou forgot to exchange gifts.

"Allright" Teaspon called rubbing his hands together happily, "Let's go have breakfast!"

"Wait." Cody said surprised. Everyone turned and looked at him, "What about all of those presents."

"Yeah" said Kid "and the stockings."

Rachel laughed, "They can wait until after breakfast."

Everyone grumbled but happily went out the door and across to the main house and inside and sat at the table.

"Rachel?" Jimmy queried "Are we expecting company?" indicating the two empty chairs across from him.

"Oh lordy." Teaspoon said surprised, "Did we forget to mention your biggest Christmas present?"

"What?" everyone said and looked at Teaspoon confused

"Oh Elves! Breakfast is ready!" Teaspoon called loudly and two sets of feet could be heard pounding down the stairs and around the corner.

"Merry Christmas Louise!" they shouted as they ran into the room and hugged their sister.

Lou's jaw dropped and she slid out of her chair her arms enveloping Jeremiah and Teresa. Tears were falling from her eyes into Teresa's braids. "How?"

"Santa dropped them off last night when he was delivering presents." Teaspoon said with a wink.

"We're gonna live here now. With you." Jeremiah explained as he pulled himself away from his sisters.

"and we're gonna go to school." Teresa said softly as she played with the ends of Lou's hair.

Lou just nodded to surprised and happy to speak.

Buck got up and walked over and kneeled down next to Lou, "Why don't we eat now and we can catch up and get all the details over breakfast."

Lou looked at him and smiled. "Sure."

Buck put a hand under her elbow and helped her stand and smiled as she held Teresa's hand tight in her own and walked with the little girl and sat down next to her at the table. Jeremiah stood off to the side for a moment watching unsure of where he fit in.

"Jeremiah. There's a space here next to me if you want." Buck said as he walked back to the table and Ike smiled and scooted over so the young boy could sit between them.

Jeremiah nodded and sat down. He looked around the table as the food began to be passed and was surprised to see how happy everyone was and how easily they all shared the food and talked and joked with each other. Very different than the orphanage.

*Eat all you want. It's ok* Ike said

"Huh?"

"He said to eat all you want." Buck translated. "Ike doesn't speak aloud so he uses Indian sign. You'll learn it and soon you'll be talking to Ike on your own. Don't worry."

Jeremiah leaned closer to Buck, "Why doesn't he speak?" he whispered.

"Ike can hear, he just can't speak. He got very sick when he was little and hasn't spoken since. But it's better if you ask Ike himself. He'll talk to you about most things."

"Yeah Ike can be a real chatterbox." Added Cody teasingly

*At least I'm not a gossip.* Ike teased

"What's Cody gossiping about now?" Rachel asked as she placed 2 fried eggs on everyones plate as everyone laughed.

"Aw come on." Cody said in mock frustration.


	25. Chapter 25

Lou and Buck spent the day with Jeremiah and Teresa helping them learn their new home. Open all the presents Santa had left them and even meet a few kids who lived not too far away. Jeremiah instantly wanted to start riding and everyone laughed when he got on Pepper and the pair took off at a gallop causing Buck and Jimmy to go tearing after them. Teresa was a little more reserved and seemed happy enough to stay by Lou or Rachel's side.

Finally, at bed time, Lou was up in Rachel's house tucking the two kids into bed. "Sleep good." She whispered to them as she blew out the lantern "Tomorrow you get to start learning chores."

"Aw Louise." Jeremiah said sleepily as he rolled onto his side.

"Do good and we can see if maybe you can sleep in the hayloft rather than share with your little sister."

"I'd like that." Said Jeremiah happily followed by a loud yawn

"I don't wanna be alone." Teresa said worried

"You're never alone here Sugar Bear." Lou said and smoothed down Teresa's hair. "Rachel is right down the hall and I'm just in the bunkhouse with the boys. There are always lots of people around. I promise." Lou laid a kiss on Teresa's forehead and whispered, "Come wake me in the morning." She felt Teresa nod as her thin arms snaked around her neck. Lou wrapped her arms around the little girls body and rocked her close for a moment.

Standing Lou made her way to the door. "Sleep well. I'm glad Santa dropped you home." And shut the door behind her. Once the door was shut Lou felt her knees give way and she sank to the floor, shaking. This was too much. How could she do this? She wasn't ready to be a mother yet. She wasn't ready to take care of them and raise them and make sure they had what they needed.

She felt an arm slide behind her shoulders and pull her tight. She didn't need to look to know it was Buck. He was always just there when she needed him. "We can do this Lou."

Lou lifted her head and looked at Buck confused. "What?"

"We can do this. We can take care of them. You've been missing them, now you don't have to worry and together we can do this."

"They're not your responsibility, Buck."

Buck placed his hands gently on either side of Lou's face and turned her so they were looking at each other straight on. "I love you. You and your family are important to me. Your happiness makes me happy. You and your brother and your sister need each other but I need you too, so we all work together to make this happen. You are not alone anymore, you haven't been for a long time. I stand beside you."

"You love me?"

"Is that all you heard?" When Lou simply nodded Buck smiled and pulled her close to his chest and held her tight. "I've been afraid to say it before. I didn't want to scare you or rush you. I've been in love with you for a very long time."

"How long?" Lou asked as she pulled back and looked up at this man who knew her so well, "Before Yampa?"

Buck looked away, as though seeing something far in the distance, and nodded, "Yeah. Long before Yampa."

Lou paused thinking of all the times they had talked, worked together, been alone, been on runs, played cards, joked, teased each other or the other riders, and wondered how long. Had she been hurting him all this time and not knowing it. Had she been blind in her infatuation with Kid and missed out? "Is that why you came after me?"

"Teaspoon sent me, but I was glad to have the time alone with you. Time to let things move forward."

"I'm glad you came too." Lou said and leaned up and kissed Buck lightly. "I still have your Christmas present."

Buck smiled, "I have yours too."

The two smiled and stood. Heading down the stairs quietly, Lou paused to tell Rachel where they were going and why and to come get her if the kids needed anything. Once outside the two headed for the hayloft and cuddled up under some blankets.

"I hope you like this." Buck said nervously as he pulled the small package from his pocket and handed it to Lou.

Smiling Lou unwrapped the oddly shaped gift to find a perfectly smooth stone inside. She turned it over a few times and then laughed out loud. "A skipping stone!" She hugged Buck tightly and smiled, "It's perfect, especially since I don't think the boys would appreciate me climbing into your bunk every time it storms out." Both laughed at that.

Nervously Lou reached over and took out a package in plain brown paper from under a pile of hay and began turning it over and over in her hands. "I really hope you like this. It's a little different though."

Buck touched her hands, instantly stilling them, "I'm sure I'll love it."

Lou smiled and shook her head at him but let him have the package. Buck carefully opened the gift saving the string and paper. He pulled out the soft blue shirt and smiled. "It's wonderful." He turned it so he could hold it up for her to see and as he did he saw the beads on the back. "Lou?"

Buck stood and stepped closer to the lantern, holding the shirt to the lantern he looked at the intricate pattern. "You did this." Buck stated breathlessly as he carefully touched the tiny beads. Lou nodded afraid to breathe. "Lou, it's us." He glanced at her and saw her nod. Again his eyes fell to the intricate design of a buck running across clouds and felt his breath being stolen. Buck kneeled down in front of Lou the shirt held tightly in his hand as he reached for her. "You made us."

"I wanted you to know how I feel."

"How do you feel Lou?"

"I love you." Lou said and was surprised to find she didn't feel scared or nervous or embarrassed to say it. She felt proud of her feelings, something she had never experienced before.

"Why the shirt Lou?"

"Yampa." Lou said and felt her throat begin to get a little tight with emotions, "I don't know how the Kiowa do things but, in Yampa, the families often show their connections through beadwork on the tipi's, clothes, even cradleboards. Aspen explained to me that the design on her dress was showing her parents and her and when she got married she'd add in her husband and then she'd add in her children. Our tipi had marks from different people who had lived there. Aspen said come spring she'd ask Father to add us to it as well."

"We're…" Buck paused carefully afraid to speak the next words, "a family?"

"I still think of you as my husband Buck." Lou said and then placed a hand on his chest, "I had to stop myself from saying that to Jeremiah and Teresa today."

Buck laughed, "I had to stop from calling them little brother and little sister."

"What now?" Lou asked


	26. Chapter 26

The holidays over Lou walked Jeremiah and Theresa to school and got them settled for their first day. She then found herself in town and unsure of what to do next, before she realized it she was standing in front of the Marshall's office watching Teaspoon pour himself a cup of coffee before settling back in his chair.

As if lightning struck her Lou realized that just like so many times before, Teaspoon might have the answer to her problem. So, building up her courage she opened the door and strode inside.

"Little one's all set?" Teaspoon asked without looking over.

"Yeah." Lou said and sat down in the chair across from his desk.

"I was wondering how long you were planning to stand out there." Teaspoon said. "What's gnawin at ya Lou?"

Lou stood and got herself a cup of coffee and then sat back down but stared into the dark liquid. "Buck."

"Ah." Teaspoon said with a smile, "I was wonderin' when we'd get here." He made a mental note to tell Rachel she'd won their bet.

"Here?" Lou asked

"You mentioned that while you were with the Yampa Buck protected you by claiming you as his wife." Teaspoon said simply.

Lou nodded, "He had to or I would have had to marry one of the men of the tribe."

"Sounds about right." Teaspoon said, "I'm guessin' that the two of you spent a lot more time together than you normally do. Probably got real close."

Lou blushed slightly and putting the mug on the desk said, "We were sharing the same tipi."

"That's about as close as you can be. Especially in winter." Teaspoon said his voice softening. "Now I guess you're trying to figure out how much was the tipi and how much was the two of you."

"Not exactly." Lou said and looked up "I still find myself thinking of Buck as my husband."

"Well among many Indians livin' like you did meant you would be married. However, Lou you ain't an Indian."

"Buck's Kiowa." Lou said and shrugged confused, "Does that change anything?"

"Well it might for him but seeing as your both back to sleeping in the bunkhouse like nothing happened between you. I'm guessing he's figuring since you're not living among Indians anymore that you shouldn't be following their rules either."

"So, I should either stop riding and get married or stop thinking of Buck as my husband?"

"If it were anyone other than Buck." Teaspoon said, "Have you talked to Buck about all this?"

"He was as lost as I am." Lou admitted, "We lived as though we were married and I guess some part of us still believes it, but out here, it's so different and we can't get a grasp on how to move forward."

"Louise." Teaspoon said his heart breaking for his smallest rider, "I've been married too many times. Marrying someone different, like an Indian can be a great thing or it can be the thing that tears you apart. Make sure when you figure out what you want that you only do it once. Heart can take being torn open too many times."

"Thanks Teaspoon." Lou said as she finished her coffee. Slowly she got up and headed back outside to walk back to the station.

Buck found Lou in the barn brushing Lightning. "Hey." He called as he approached.

Lou smiled at the sound of his voice. "Hey yourself."

"Teaspoon bringing the kids back or do you need to go and get them?" Buck asked as he watched her grooming

"Teaspoons bringing them. We talked this morning after I got them settled."

Buck nodded, he'd had the same idea but hadn't had the chance to see the older man alone yet. "What did he say?"

"Well he and Rachel were betting on when we'd get here." Lou said with a smile as she put down the curry comb and walked over to the empty stall and sat down.

Buck followed and sat across from her not sure if she wanted to touch.

"He says he understands why we feel like we do. Or like I do. I didn't speak for you." Lou said and stretched out her legs so that hers were just barely between his and their calves were touching.

"You could have." Buck said and laid a hand on Lou's boot and squeezed her ankle.

Lou smiled and admitted. "It might have helped him understand better if I did."

"Well I guess we could start by telling the others we're together." Buck said

"That would make more sense than asking them to show up to a damned wedding."

"You don't like weddings." Buck stated

"I, I only seen the one and I know what happened to my mother after she married him. So, no I guess I don't much like weddings." Lou paused "Or at least what they represent."

Buck nodded sadly. "I understand."

"Buck it's not you." Lou's fists hit the dirt in frustration, "Dammit."

"Talk to me Lou. Like we did when we were with the Yampa."

"It feels different here." Lou shook her head, "I can't explain it."

Buck nodded and said, "I think I understand. What if we were to go on a run? We would be just us, away from everyone. Would that help?"

Lou shut her eyes and thought for a moment about it and then nodded as a slow tentative smile appeared on her face.

"I'll talk to Rachel. I'm sure something's coming."

"Thank you for being patient Buck." Lou said and held out a hand to him.

Buck reached for her hand and pulled her close. "That's the easy part Lou." He whispered into her hair as he wrapped his arms around her holding her tight to his body.


	27. Chapter 27

A few days had passed when Rachel came into the yard and called out "Buck, Lou"

Buck came running from the stable while Lou came from the corral, they met in the middle on either side of Rachel. She looked at the two riders and said, "I've got a special run for the Army. You'll need to go down to Ft. Kearney. Teaspoon said he wanted the extra gun along cause of everything that's going on these days."

Buck nodded, "I'll go get the packs if you do the horses."

Lou smiled at how simply the work was split between them. "Sounds good." Lou said, and took the package from Rachel as she headed to the barn and watched Buck follow Rachel to the house to get some provisions for their ride.

Back in the kitchen, Rachel turned and looked at Buck, "Don't hurt her." She said softly but sternly as she picked up a long wooden spoon to stir the stew for tonights dinner.

"I don't want to." Buck said as he wrapped up bread and then reached for a tin of beans. "I want Lou to be happy."

Rachel turned with the spoon in her hand gravy dripping down onto Buck's boot. "Good. Keep that in your head while you two are on your run."

Buck smiled, as he leaned forward narrowly missing the spoon and hugged Rachel. "Thank you." He said softly. Then grabbed a few more tins and ran back to the barn where Lou was waiting for him.

Buck double checked his cinches and then mounted. "HA!" the two yelled as they rode hard and fast towards the Fort. "Ride Safe" they heard carried on the wind as they passed the house.

A few hours later, Buck and Lou were stopped by a stream letting the horses rest. Buck turned to look at Lou and smiled, "You have a very fierce protector."

Lou looked around and not seeing or hearing anyone stepped into Buck's arms and said, "I'm aware. What exactly did my fierce protector do now?" She said as she ran her hands up his chest and twined around his neck.

Buck smiled down at Lou, "Not me this time." And then leaned down and stole a kiss.

Leaning back to look into Buck's warm eyes she asked, "Who?"

"Rachel" and proceeded to tell Lou how she threatened him at spoon point.

"Why does everyone think they have a say in our lives?"

"Because they care." Buck ran a hand over her back soothingly, "It's a good thing."

Lou looked up at Buck and shook her head but smiled none the less. "Where are we planning to stop Buck?"

"We're almost to Thompson's Station. If we ride a few more hours we'll be in Oak and that's about ½ way to the Fort." Buck felt his fingers begin to wind into Lou's short hair, "If we're lucky they might even have a hotel there."

"Oak is practically owned by Russells, Major and Waddel. They've got a hotel." Lou smiled as she felt Buck tug gently on her hair and let her head fall back into his hands, "We'll get a room, get dinner, and…" Lou reached up and tugged on Buck's shirt pulling his head down to hers.

"Talk." Buck whispered before kissing Lou deeply his hands sliding around to cup her face as hers slid around his neck.

As the kiss broke Lou smiled at Buck and said, "that too."

Buck laughed as he unhobbled his horse and turned her head. "C'mon, suddenly I'm very interested to get to Oak."

"Good." Lou said and with a sharp kick took of as hard and fast as her mount was able to go.

Buck smiled watching her ride and then kicking his horse chased after her.


	28. Chapter 28

Buck and Lou had made their handoff and were only about an hour from home when they heard hoofbeats coming up on them fast. Quickly they turned their horses heads and saw 5 men riding straight for them.

Buck and Lou both drew their weapons but the strangers got off the first shots. Buck hit the lead rider and Lou shot the one to the right before galloping as hard and fast as they could. Shots rang from behind them and suddenly Lou turned her horses head and veered off the trail. Buck followed unsure of what she was doing or where she was going when he saw her slide down into the brush.

Leaping from his horses back he ran to Lou, "Lou?" He gasped as he pulled her to him. His hand felt warm and sticky where it laid on her back. He heard more gunshots and quickly pulled some loose brush over them and covered Lou with his body.

He could feel her breathing underneath him as he sheltered her from the unknown gunman. Then as suddenly as it started it ended. There was silence, no more gunfire, no hoof beats. Just the sound of their breathing and the brush moving over them.

"Stay here. I'm gonna check." Buck said in barely a whisper and slowly moved himself off of Lou. He showed her his hand and added, "Don't move."

Lou nodded and watched as Buck slowly got up and walked towards the trail. Lou's horse was gone along with her supplies and canteen. Three of the men were gone two lay dead on the trail.

Buck whistled a low whistle and heard his horse trotting up to him. He met her and stopped her near where Lou was. Buck grabbed a clean bandana from his pack and his canteen and knealt beside her on the ground.

"This is gonna hurt." Buck said as he gently turned Lou onto her side. He poured water into the wound and watched until the blood ran clean and red. Then he packed the wound from the back and help Lou to lean slightly and he lifted her shirt.

"Not really in the mood Buck." Lou said weakly trying to tease

"I'm not either." Buck said softly as he saw an unmistakable exit wound on her front just above her hip. "The bullet's out." He said with a breath of calm. "We're not far. Let's get home so Rachel can help."

"Home sounds good about now."

Buck lifted Lou from the ground and placed her on his horse and then mounted behind her. Wrapping his arms around her he took off as fast as the horse could manage. As they rode he could feel the bandana begin to get wetter and seep into his own shirt.

"Lou? You awake?"

"mmhmm" Lou replied groggily

"Talk to me Lou."

"k" she said softly

"When are we going back to Yampa?" Buck asked trying to rouse Lou, "Lou. C'mon Lou." Buck said anxiously.

Buck crested the last hill before the station, "We're only minutes away from home. Stay with me. I need you to stay awake. Open your eyes Lou. Wake up." Lou's head lolled to the side and Buck stopped short.

"No. No!" Buck said loudly as he shifted Lou so he could see her face as she sat on his lap. "You're not doing this." He kicked his horse hard and they galloped into the yard as Buck yelled, "Rachel, Teaspoon, Ike, Jimmy, Kid, Cody!"

Ike was the first one out. He ran to Buck and grabbed Lou as Buck handed her down. Rachel was running out of the house in time to see Buck and Ike carrying Lou in followed closely by Teaspoon, Jimmy, Kid and Cody.

"What happened son?" Teaspoon asked stopping Buck as Ike carried Lou into Rachel's sick room

"Lou was shot." Buck said as Ike came out of the room nearly as fast as he went in.

"We see that, how?"

"5 men tried to stop us about an hour out. We got 2 of them but…"

Kid walked over and shoved Buck, "You did this. You let her get hurt. You let her keep putting herself in danger."

Teaspoon looked over at Jimmy, who quickly grabbed Kid by the arm and pulled him outside.

Buck looked shocked, "This is my fault. They're hurt because of me" He whispered and then ran pushing past Teaspoon and Ike to get to the door behind which were Rachel and Lou.

"Rachel!" Buck called through the door, "I have to tell you something."


	29. Chapter 29

Teaspoon put a hand on Buck's shoulder to calm him and slowly turned the young man around. "Let Rachel help son. It's the best thing. C'mon outside and tell us the whole story while Cody runs to get the Doc."

Buck let himself be led back outside knowing that Lou needed all of Rachel's attention and whether or not his suspicions were right or not wasn't going to make any difference right now. He sat down on the step and let his leg dangle uselessly scuffing the dirt. He looked heavenward and sent a prayer that Lou would be all right.

Ike sat down across from Buck so he could watch him and see what his brother wasn't saying. Slowly Buck began to talk about the ride back. How they were come upon suddenly, how they hid, how he raced Lou back as fast as he could. Ike knew there was something Buck wasn't saying so he waited while the others asked Buck questions. While Jimmy and Kid rode out looking for tracks. Then when Cody came back with the Doctor and Teaspoon followed them in, Ike said *and*

Buck looked at his feet and shrugged slightly

Ike stepped on the toe of Buck's boot. Slowly, barely even moving Buck shifted his hands and made the sign *baby* as small as he could. Ike leaned in a laid a hand on Buck's shoulder and felt Buck shrug again.

*She didn't say?*

"I don't think she knows" Buck whispered "I'm not really certain myself. It's just..." Buck left off as Teaspoon and Cody came back out.

"Cody, Ike go find the Jimmy and Kid and make sure they didn't do something stupid and get themselves shot." Teaspoon said gruffly and he walked over to Buck and gently laid a fatherly hand on his shoulder, "Son you need to clean up and get some food in ya. Lou'll have all our hides when she wakes up if you've gone and gotten sick."

A small smile flashed briefly across Buck's face. "I don't want to leave her."

"You're only across the yard Buck. She'll be fine. Doc's with her. You ain't gonna see her now anyway." Buck nodded and walked towards the bunkhouse to get a change of clothes and clean up.

An hour later everyone was sitting in Rachel's front room when the Doc walked out of the sick room with Rachel. "Lou's gonna be ok. Gave me a bit of a shock when I went to dress his, erm, her wounds though." The boys all smiled and laughed with relief. Stepping to the side he said quietly, Teaspoon, which of these young men is responsible for her?"

"What do you mean Doc?"

"Perhaps we should go outside and talk." Teaspoon followed the Doc out to his buggy the door had barely shut before they heard Teaspoon holler, "SHE'S WHAT?"

*Go kiss Lou goodbye* Ike said with a nudge to Buck quickly putting Buck's suspicions together with Teaspoons howl.

Buck however, walked outside to talk to Teaspoon. Kid, Jimmy and Cody quickly followed. Buck stopped on the porch and looked at Teaspoon, "I guessed while we were on our run. I don't think she knows yet." Buck said as he slowly stepped down the stairs and approached Teaspoon carefully.

"Knows what?" Cody asked

"Is Lou ok?" Jimmy asked at the same time.

Kid slowly looked back and forth between Teaspoon and Buck and then like a penny sliding into place he realized what they were saying. "You knew and you let her take a run? You let her get shot?" With each word Kid advanced on Buck until he was within arms reach and his fist connected solidly with Buck's jaw. "You wanted this to happen? Didn't you?" Kid followed the first punch with a second landing Buck in the dirt. Buck did not try to defend himself, feeling that he was at fault for Lou being hurt and he deserved this punishment. "How dare you!"

Suddenly arms and hands were everywhere pulling and separating the two. Jimmy and Cody were holding onto Kid who was still struggling and Ike was standing between Buck and Kid to make sure the one man fight didn't start again. "Kid" Teaspoon said exasperatedly, "Go cool down" he gave Jimmy a piercing look and Jimmy groaned knowing what Teaspoon wanted.

"What're you gonna do son?" Teaspoon asked Buck as he watched the other three walk away.

"I gotta talk to Lou. I need to know what she wants."

"You two didn't talk about this before you, ahem, got into this particular state?"

Buck shook his head.

*She loves you* Ike said, *It'll be ok*

Buck leaned slightly and shoulder bumped Ike. "I really should go in and talk to Lou."

*I'll get Jeremiah and Teresa and tell them what happened*

"They don't need to know everything Ike."

*Right*

"I'm going to go and deal with Kid and help him get his head back on straight."

Just then the door opened, "Buck" Rachel called, "Lou's waking up."


End file.
